the graph below shows how people buy music

the graph below shows how people buy music
IELTS Writing Task Chart for the graph below shows how people buy music
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the graph presents information about the percentage of total music
sales
Use synonyms
by three methods,
know
Wrong verb form
known
show examples
as :
streams
Use synonyms
,
downloads
Use synonyms
, and
CDs
Use synonyms
purchased. The most major trend is the increase in stream
sales
Use synonyms
from 2011 to 2018 compared to the other two
sales
Use synonyms
methods. In detail, in 2011, the highest
sales
Use synonyms
method was
CDs
Use synonyms
which was approximately 55% compared to
streams
Use synonyms
and
downloads
Use synonyms
which were 5% and 33% respectively.By 2014,
Use synonyms
CDs
Change the noun form
CD
show examples
purchases went down dramatically to 36% ,
while
Linking Words
both
streams
Use synonyms
and
downloads
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased considerably to 14% for
streams
Use synonyms
and 43% for
downloads
Use synonyms
In 2018,
CDs
Use synonyms
and
downloads
Use synonyms
dip
Wrong verb form
dipped
show examples
nearly to the same percentage 28%-35%. In opposite, stream
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
on the top with around 40%
To sum up
Linking Words
,
sales
Use synonyms
of
streams
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
the lowest purchased method in the first period
however
Linking Words
it became the highest
at the end
Linking Words
and reached over 40%
while
Linking Words
other methods were less than
this
Linking Words
percentage.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, streams, downloads, cds with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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