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Writing Samples
Band 6

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adult, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage of this situation outweigh the disadvantage

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In
this
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 modern era, it is undeniable that the developed countries have a large
number
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 of
youngsters
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 compared to older
people
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.
Although
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 young
people
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 can use technologies to develop their
nation
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 and help their elders in household work,
while
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 the unemployment rate of the
nation
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 will get higher , and companies will start replacing their old employees with
youngsters
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. In my opinion ,
this
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 statement has more advantages than disadvantages.
Firstly
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, young
adults
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 are good with technology, and countries can grow rapidly with the help of young
people
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. To illustrate, these days, everything is based on technology , and
adults
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 are very good with technology because they started using it in their childhood.
For instance
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, as per a recent report by the Department of Transportation, big firms
such
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 as Honda
,
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apply
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 prefer to hire
youngsters
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 because they can easily fix their cars with the help of computers.
Secondly
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, with a higher
number
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 of
youngsters
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, every old person will have an adult with them, who can make their life easier by helping them with their household work.
Thus
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, a higher
number
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 of
adults
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 is good for nations.
However
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, some individuals think that the unemployment rate will become higher in the
nation
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 because every youngster will want a job , which will raise the competition among
youngsters
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. To clarify, by increasing the population of young
adults
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, it will be harder for the government to create more jobs for
youngsters
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.
As a result
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, some
youngsters
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 will not have a job , and their skills will be of no useful for nations.
For example
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, in India unemployment rate is 60% because
this
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nation
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 has a larger
number
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 of
youngsters
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, as the population of
this
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 country was raised in the year 2000.
Furthermore
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, Big companies will make older
people
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 jobless, and try to hire
youngsters
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.
As a result
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, older
people
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 will suffer through job crises. In the conclusion, countries will grow rapidly with the help of their
youngsters
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 , and
also
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, old
people
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 will have a caretaker in their old age , despite having other challenges. I think
this
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 trend has more advantages than its advantages.

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task response
Overall score: 5. Your main answer is clear, but some ideas need more detail. Explain more clearly how more young adults help the whole country, not only one company.
task response
Your example about Honda is not a strong example for all countries. Use a simple, wider example: young workers can work in new jobs, pay tax, and help make more goods and services.
task response
Be careful with facts. “India unemployment rate is 60%” may not be true, and the reason is not well shown. In this test, a clear made-up example is safer than a number you cannot prove.
task response
The last sentence has an important error: “more advantages than its advantages.” Write: “the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body part. In the first body part, technology and helping old people are two different ideas. Give each one more space, or use one idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas more clear. For example: “A larger young workforce can help firms use new tools. This can help the economy grow.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and have too many ideas. Use shorter sentences. This will make your writing easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending repeats your view, which is good. Make it more exact: say the good points are greater because young people can work, pay tax, and support old people, even though jobs must be created.
task response
You answer the question clearly: you say the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
You give both sides: young people can help a country grow, but there can be fewer jobs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “Firstly”, “However”, “For example”, and “As a result” to show the order of ideas.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic trend
  • dependency ratio
  • workforce sustainability
  • economic burden
  • innovation
  • technological advancement
  • cultural dynamism
  • social changes
  • education and training
  • infrastructure strain
  • employment opportunities
  • youth unemployment
  • investment in youth
  • productive workforce
  • aging population
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