IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the internet makes a person more sociable, while others think it makes a person less sociable. To extend disagree or agree.

In recent years,
developing
Change preposition
with developing
show examples
 technology and the internet, social
media
Use synonyms
 has become popular around the world,
thus
Linking Words
 some are concerned it is making
people
Use synonyms
 less social. The writer of
this
Linking Words
 essay disagrees with
this
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 statement since social
media
Use synonyms
 provides
entertainment
Use synonyms
, connection and addiction. It is vital to understand that social networking sites bring
entertainment
Use synonyms
 through unique content.
In other words
Linking Words
, social
media
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 is the place where individuals can share their humorous stories or content.
For instance
Linking Words
, TikTok is used
many
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by many
show examples
people
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, allowing them to showcase their creativity or ideas to entertain.
Hence
Linking Words
, it not only helps release stress
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 improves mental health through
entertainment
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 and relaxation on the internet. Another point worth mentioning is that social
media
Use synonyms
 platforms help
people
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 connect around the world. Simply put, thanks to the popularity of the internet and technological advancement, social
media
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 can be used to communicate with friends and family without geographical barriers.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
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 may connect and chat easily, and especially, businesses use it to manage their work conveniently and productively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, social networking sites make users addicted to virtual life. Because of excessive use, they pull
people
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 away from family time, outdoor activities, and in-person friendships.
However
Linking Words
, some social
media
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 platforms encourage individuals to limit use to 3 hours per day, and children should be supervised by parents or guardians.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
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 can protect their eyes and engage in leisure activities to improve physical health. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 social
media
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 can make
people
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 addicted to virtual life, it helps with
entertainment
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 and connection. Unless
people
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 are affected by harmful content, they should choose carefully.

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task achievement
Make sure each main point is fully explained and connected back to the main argument of the essay.
coherence
Use more linking words to help with the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Add another example for each point to better support your argument.
strength
The introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic.
strength
You provide a good example of TikTok to support your point about entertainment.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social media
  • forums
  • chat rooms
  • interaction
  • introverted
  • belonging
  • virtual social events
  • video calls
  • messaging apps
  • long-distance relationships
  • face-to-face interactions
  • non-verbal cues
  • real-world conversations
  • superficial interactions
  • meaningful relationships
  • dependency
  • isolation
  • online presence
  • physical social events
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