IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people believe that taking
risks
Use synonyms
 might be beneficial in personal and occupational life.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly hold the view that
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
 outweigh the potential advantages as those challenges might end with
irrepairable
Correct your spelling
irreparable
 harm or negative outcomes.
Risk taking
Add a hyphen
Risk-taking
show examples
 is similar to gambling for achieving a high-value result despite all of the factors and potential consequences.
For instance
Linking Words
, investing all your revenue and savings in developing a company is a risk.
Linking Words
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
show examples
 it can not only
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
 to unaffordable debts but
also
Linking Words
lossing
Correct your spelling
loss of
 all of
investments
Add an article
the investments
show examples
 that had been saved over the years of working.
Linking Words
While if
Correct word choice
If
show examples
 the person
invest
Change the verb form
invests
show examples
 in several well-known sectors or stocks,the
risks
Use synonyms
 related to
rate
Add an article
the rate
show examples
 of inflation or
decreased
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 stock exchanges
doesn't
Correct subject-verb agreement
don't
show examples
 affect them. In another point of view, if individuals believe that
risk taking
Add a hyphen
risk-taking
show examples
 will contribute to
develop
Change the verb form
developing
show examples
 their potential skills in crucial situations
such
Linking Words
 as critical thinking and making decisions in their personal life, they can provide a plan to examine their capability in each desired
filed
Correct your spelling
field
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, they could
firstly
Linking Words
instructed
Change the verb form
be instructed
show examples
 by
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 investment consultant through an additional course.
Afterwards
Add a comma
Afterwards,
show examples
 they could invest 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of their investment based on the knowledge that they learned
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the courses and gradually diversify the sources of investments.
It's
Unnecessary verb
It
show examples
 is essential to mention that they should cooperate with professionals who contribute to
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 better decisions and take worthwhile
risks
Use synonyms
subsequently
Linking Words
. Some people believe that taking
risks
Use synonyms
 might be beneficial in personal and occupational life.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly hold the view that
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
 outweigh the potential advantages as those challenges might end with irreparable harm or irreversible
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
. In conclusion, taking
risks
Use synonyms
 can foster
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 potential skills and
advancing
Wrong verb form
advance
show examples
 their capability but these
risks
Use synonyms
 should be managed and observed wisely by
professionals'
Change noun form
professionals
show examples
 to consider any possibility.
Linking Words
Subsequently
Add a comma
Subsequently,
show examples
 I firmly believe that
Use synonyms
risks'
Correct article usage
the risks'
show examples
 drawbacks particularly outweigh
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow of your ideas and ensuring that each paragraph focuses clearly on its main point. Use linking words and phrases to connect your thoughts more clearly.
task achievement
Expand your examples and explanations for clarity. Ensure each point is well-supported and recognizes the complexity of the topic.
grammar
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to avoid small errors and enhance clarity.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear personal stance on the topic, which is good for task completion.
task achievement
There is a good attempt to incorporate examples, which helps in illustrating your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: