IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Thu Ha

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In modern society, there are opposite views about how to reduce the number of
crimes
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 some people believe that a longer prison sentence is the most efficient measure to solve
this
Linking Words
 issue, others feel that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can decrease crime in alternative ways. Two aforementioned views will be discussed in the following paragraphs before presenting my personal perspective in the conclusion. There are many reasons why residents think that giving longer prison sentences to criminals is a good idea against crime. The biggest reason is that
this
Linking Words
 way seems a deterrent which can discourage citizens from breaking the
law
Use synonyms
. When they have the intention to commit
crimes
Use synonyms
, they must think about the punishment which they have to pay, so deviation will be removed from their mind.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 a long imprisonment
able
Add a missing verb
is able
show examples
 to help inmates be aware of their mistakes correctly.
For instance
Linking Words
, a
law
Use synonyms
 offender can get an honest life after a long time behind bars, they will become a different version thanks to the government’s education.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I am of the opinion that the figure for cases of
law
Use synonyms
 violation will drop because of other ways. In my view, the authority should combine imprisonment form with social duties including farming, and building facilities for the country.
This
Linking Words
 activity will make inmates understand how to work genuinely and bring benefits to the community.
Moreover
Linking Words
, for serious
crimes
Use synonyms
, the
law
Use synonyms
 needs more appropriate punishments than simply imprisonment.
For example
Linking Words
, the person who commits murder should be enforced capital punishment because if there is humaneness for them, it will be a risk to the public.
To sum up
Linking Words
, both ideas are effective but I still believe that alternative ways will be better not only for decreasing the number of
crimes
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 for prohibiting people from doing that.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider elaborating on your ideas with more specific details and examples to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a smoother transition between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly articulate your position in the introduction and conclusion for a stronger impact.
task achievement
You present both views regarding the issue, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your vocabulary is varied and helps convey your ideas effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured with distinct paragraphs for each main point.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: