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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Today’s children are living under more pressure from society than children in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, many people believe that
children
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 face more
pressure
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 from society than they did in the past. I completely agree with
this
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 opinion. In my view, the rise of
technology
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 has added more stress to
children
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’s lives, especially in terms of social life,
health
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, and education. First of all,
technology
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 has affected
children
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’s social skills. Many
children
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 prefer using phones or computers rather than talking to people in real life.
As a result
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, they become less confident when speaking face-to-face or joining social activities.
This
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 makes them feel more nervous and pressured in social situations.
Secondly
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, too much screen time can affect
children
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's
health
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. Many kids suffer from poor focus and mental
health
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 problems
such
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 as anxiety or stress. During the pandemic,
for example
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, a lot of young
children
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 had speech delays because they didn’t have enough real-world communication. These
health
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 problems add more
pressure
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 to their daily lives and learning.
Thirdly
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, academic
pressure
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 is
also
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 rising. Because of
technology
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,
children
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 have access to more knowledge, but they are
also
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 expected to study harder and achieve more. Parents and schools may compare them to others, which makes them feel even more stressed.
On the other hand
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, some people think
technology
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 is helpful for learning. It allows
children
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 to explore hobbies and learn skills.
However
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, these benefits often come with more
pressure
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, not less, because the expectations are higher than before. In conclusion, I believe that
children
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 today experience more
pressure
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 than those in the past.
While
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technology
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 has some benefits, it
also
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 causes stress in social,
health
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, and academic areas.

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the thesis statement and relates back to the main argument. Consider expanding on one or two main points for greater depth.
coherence and cohesion
Transition phrases could help enhance the flow between ideas and improve cohesion throughout the essay. For instance, using phrases like 'On the contrary' or 'Additionally' can connect your points more clearly.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses the task and presents a strong opinion supported by relevant examples.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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