IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicines. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent to you agree or disagree?

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It is often argued that the
Government
Use synonyms
 should provide funds for the public to prevent upcoming health issues and diseases. I fully agree with
this
Linking Words
 group of people because by raising
awareness
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 and increasing taxes for fast
food
Use synonyms
, the community will be healthier and will have less need for medical treatments. The well-being of society depends on their level of
awareness
Use synonyms
 and education. If someone knows about the detrimental effects of not keeping healthy and fit, they are less prone to be involved in unhealthy habits. If the
Government
Use synonyms
 conducts more
awareness
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 campaigns and events to educate everyone, it will be a healthy society in the long run, which in turn will be beneficial for the country's economy as well.
For example
Linking Words
, Japan is a country with healthy citizens because its
Government
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 has made many provisions to maintain the well-being of the citizens.
In addition
Linking Words
, being fit is more dependent on the type of
food
Use synonyms
 intake of a person. If the
Government
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 increases the taxes on fast
food
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, more people will try to avoid it and stick to healthy meals in order to make savings.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the
Government
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 can provide monetary assistance to fresh-
food
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 markets so they can sell organic
food
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 at cheaper rates.
Thus
Linking Words
, if the political parties provide enough help to the sectors where people's health can be better, any country can be more successful. In conclusion, the
Government
Use synonyms
 should arrange
awareness
Use synonyms
 campaigns and provisions to increase fast-
food
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 taxes.
This
Linking Words
 will not only help someone to grow individually but
also
Linking Words
 contribute to making a rich economy in the long run, as citizens are ultimately the pillars of the society.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing a more detailed explanation of how the government's initiatives could directly impact public health beyond just awareness and tax policies. Discuss potential outcomes and benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to improve the clarity of your argument in some parts by using linking words or phrases that better connect your ideas, making it easier for the reader to follow your logic.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and supports it with relevant examples and ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good structure with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion; the introduction sets the context well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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