The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?
The work-life balance in the twenty-first century is a trending and controversial issue among entrepreneurs and business owners
as well as
labour associations and organised unions worldwide. Many, myself included, advocate that weekly career times ought to be reduced and a more generous time
off for employees should be granted for several beneficial reasons on both sides of the argument.
On the one hand, according to
me, since corporations are destined to meet their professional targets and achieve desired milestones, a diminished working week will result in more efficiency and productivity. If total job hours per week declined, for example
, employees tend to be tremendously more vigilant and active in the workplace, a recent Harvard study revealed. Furthermore
, workers and unions will put keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
this
trend at the top of their priorities, so they will compensate the
decreased hours with qualities Change preposition
for the
such
as higher dedication, competence and competitiveness. Hence
, I unequivocally support this
life-changing phenomenon as a positive development to cherish.
On the other hand
, in my opinion, longer weekends paves
the ground for households to boost their relationships and strengthen the bonds among themselves. The longer the holidays the higher the chance of some quality leisure Correct subject-verb agreement
pave
time
with family, colleagues and friends. If the father gains more time
off, for instance
, the opportunity for an adventurous excursion in the countryside can take place more frequently. Moreover
, the entertaining time
spent with relatives not only enhances mental well-being but also
forges unbreakable bonds with those who
we hold dear. Change the pronoun
whom
Therefore
, it is enormously advantageous to treasure these priceless moments as an added value.
In conclusion, I wholeheartedly agree with the proposed recommendation regarding working and holiday hours. Nevertheless
, I vehemently reject an imbalance in the work-life equilibrium and argue that the adoption of this
change not only has the potential to increase efficiency and productivity but also
will foster the
cherished leisure engagements which enhance mental satisfaction Correct article usage
apply
as well as
physical flexibility.Submitted by sajjad.talebi2020 on
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Sentence Variety
Though your points are well-developed, try to provide more varied sentence structures to enhance readability. This can help in making your writing even more engaging.
Vocabulary Range
While your ideas are clear, consider using a wider range of vocabulary to add depth to your essay. For instance, words related to 'productivity' and 'efficiency' could be diversified.
Paragraph Links
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear link to the thesis statement in the introduction. While your ideas are connected, sometimes the link to the main argument could be more explicit.
Introduction
The introduction clearly states the issue and your position on it, effectively setting the stage for the rest of the essay.
Logical Flow
Each paragraph logically flows to the next, making your argument easy to follow.
Concrete Examples
You used solid examples, such as the Harvard study and family activities, to support your points.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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