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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the number of visitors to three London Museums between 2007 and 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the number of visitors to three London Museums between 2007 and 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph illustrated the trend of
visitors
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
Gallery
Use synonyms
,
Victoria
Use synonyms
 and
Albert
Use synonyms
Museum
Use synonyms
,
as well as
Linking Words
 British
Museum
Use synonyms
 from 2007 to 2012. As seen in the graph, the most visited
museum
Use synonyms
 was
Correct article usage
the national
show examples
national
Capitalize word
National
show examples
Gallery
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the least was
Victoria
Use synonyms
 and
Albert
Use synonyms
Museum
Use synonyms
 in 2012.
This
Linking Words
 pattern was different compared to 2007. The
Use synonyms
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
national
Add an article
the national
show examples
gallery
Use synonyms
 showed an
increase
Change the verb form
increasing
show examples
 trend between 2007 to 2012. In 2007,
Add an article
the national
show examples
national
Correct your spelling
National Gallery
show examples
gallery
Use synonyms
 was the
museum
Use synonyms
 with the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 and became the
highest visited
Replace the word
most-visited
show examples
museum
Use synonyms
 in 2012. National
Gallery
Use synonyms
 had around 17 million annual
Use synonyms
visitor
Change to a plural noun
visitors
show examples
 in 2012, up from around 8 million people in 2007.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Victoria
Correct article usage
the Victoria
show examples
 and
Albert
Use synonyms
Museum
Use synonyms
 had a significant decline
number
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
 from 2007 to 2009.
However
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
visitors
Correct quantifier usage
number of visitors
show examples
 increased again since 2010.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, the
number
Use synonyms
still
Add a missing verb
is still
show examples
 lower compared to
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
Gallery
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
British
Correct article usage
the British
show examples
Museum
Use synonyms
. The change
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 trend made
Use synonyms
Victoria
Correct article usage
the Victoria
show examples
 and
Albert
Use synonyms
Museum
Use synonyms
became
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
museum
Use synonyms
 with the least
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 in 2012. Meanwhile, in 2007,
Victoria
Use synonyms
 and
Albert
Use synonyms
 was the most visited
museum
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
British
Correct article usage
the British
show examples
Museum
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 experienced a declining
number
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
 from 2007 to 2010 and started to rise again in 2011.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, gallery, victoria, albert, museum, visitor, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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