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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries,more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer rather then playing sports or doing exercise classes What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

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In some countries,many
people
Use synonyms
 hire separate fitness instructors
instead
Linking Words
 of playing physical games or attending
exercise
Use synonyms
 classes.I will explain the reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 hire the fitness expert and
also
Linking Words
clear
Replace the word
clarify
show examples
 whether
this
Linking Words
 is a positive or negative development. In the beginning,nowadays most of the
people
Use synonyms
 hire experts to help them
exercise
Use synonyms
 and stay fit.There are many reasons for
this
Linking Words
 but I discuss three main reasons.First,some
people
Use synonyms
 do not have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to play any physical games because they have hectic duties and long
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 of
time
Use synonyms
 to
serve
Verb problem
do
show examples
 their work so they prefer a
trainer
Use synonyms
 to guide them for
exercise
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,some individuals lack knowledge
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 certain exercises and proper stretching techniques if they stretch
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 much or incorrectly ,they may injure themselves.A
trainer
Use synonyms
 to help them to avoid
such
Linking Words
 risks.Third,some individuals lack
people
Use synonyms
 simply not
intereste
Correct your spelling
interested
 in playing sports or going to the gym that's why they prefer to hire a
trainer
Use synonyms
 to stay active.
For example
Linking Words
,since 1998
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Luxembourg held a survey
mostly
Change preposition
of mostly
show examples
people
Use synonyms
hired
Correct pronoun usage
who hired
show examples
 a coach for
exercise
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
some times
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
 it is
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 thing because
this
Linking Words
 is very convenient for
people
Use synonyms
 who can not manage their
time
Use synonyms
 to stay fit and healthy.
This
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
save
Change the verb form
saves
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 to
exercise
Use synonyms
 at home under an instructor's supervision.It can
also
Linking Words
negative
Add a missing verb
have negative
show examples
 effects,
however
Linking Words
,in the sense
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation may not participate in physical activities which can to a lack of social interaction.
For example
Linking Words
,in
Pakistan
Add a comma
Pakistan,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to play games and go to
gym
Add an article
the gym
a gym
show examples
 to stay fit and healthy. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 many
people
Use synonyms
 save their
time
Use synonyms
 by hiring a
trainer
Use synonyms
 become less active in physical activities
this
Linking Words
 has a significant impact on their health.

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coherence
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points of discussion in a structured way. Consider revising it for clarity.
task achievement
You provided relevant reasons for why people hire fitness trainers, which showcases your understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • personalized workout plans
  • tailored
  • efficient
  • awareness
  • physical health
  • motivation
  • guidance
  • convenience
  • flexibility
  • exclusivity
  • status symbol
  • inaccessible
  • community engagement
  • social interaction
  • health outcomes
  • personal achievement
  • health-conscious
What to do next:
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