IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In developing countries, some people believe that governments should give people access to new technology in order to improve their lives, while others think governments should offer free education. Discuss both ideas and give your own opinion.

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In developing countries, governments face the challenge of allocating limited resources to initiatives that will have the greatest impact on citizens' lives. Some argue that providing
access
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 to new
technology
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 is essential for progress,
while
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 others believe that offering free
education
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 should be the priority. Both perspectives have their merits, but in my opinion, free
education
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 should be the primary focus, as it lays the foundation for sustainable development. On the one hand,
access
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 to new
technology
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 can significantly improve people’s lives. Modern
technology
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 enhances productivity, facilitates communication, and provides
access
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 to information.
For instance
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, in agriculture, advanced machinery and smart irrigation systems can help farmers increase crop yields.
Similarly
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, in healthcare,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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digital records can improve medical services.
Moreover
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,
technology
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 fosters economic growth by creating new job opportunities in sectors like IT and e-commerce.
However
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,
while
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technology
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 is beneficial, its effectiveness depends on people’s ability to use it. Without proper
education
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, technological advancements may remain underutilized.
On the other hand
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, free
education
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 plays a fundamental role in long-term societal progress. Educated individuals are better equipped to use
technology
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,
contributing
Wrong verb form
contribute
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economy, and
makedecisions
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make decisions
.
For example
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, countries like South Korea have successfully developed by prioritizing
education
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, which later enabled technological innovation.
Additionally
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,
education
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 reduces poverty and inequality by providing people with the skills needed for employment.
While
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 free
education
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 requires substantial investment, its long-term benefits outweigh the immediate costs. In conclusion,
while
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access
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 to
technology
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 can enhance development, people use and benefit from it effectively.
Therefore
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, governments in developing countries should prioritize free
education
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, as it creates the foundation for technological and economic progress.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly outline the importance of both perspectives in your introduction. This can provide a stronger foundation for your discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your ideas flow logically from one paragraph to another, and use transition words to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Expand on specific examples provided, perhaps including more detailed explanations of how free education directly impacts technology access.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, allowing for a nuanced understanding of the issue.
task achievement
You effectively argue why free education should take precedence, grounding your argument in the context of sustainable development.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • catalyze
  • economic growth
  • healthcare systems
  • digital divide
  • socio-economic gaps
  • e-waste
  • fundamental right
  • uplifts communities
  • skilled workforce
  • gender equality
  • social justice
  • sustainability
  • job creation
  • access to information
  • balanced approach
  • skill-based learning
  • sequential approach
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