IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The debate surrounding the equal
admission
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 of male and female students across all academic disciplines has gained considerable traction.
While
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 the pursuit of
gender
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 equality in education is essential, I contend that enforcing strict quotas may not be the most effective solution. Proponents of equal representation argue that it is vital
for dismantling
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to dismantle
show examples
 entrenched
gender
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 stereotypes, particularly in fields where one
gender
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 is disproportionately represented.
For instance
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, encouraging women to pursue careers in engineering or men in nursing can foster a more diverse and dynamic learning environment.
This
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 diversity not only enhances creativity and problem-solving but
also
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 provides role models for future generations, inspiring them to break free from traditional career paths.
Conversely
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, instituting rigid quotas risks undermining the fundamental principle of meritocracy.
Admission
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 should be based on individual capability and passion for the subject rather than
gender
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.
Such
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 a policy might lead to the
admission
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 of candidates who lack the necessary qualifications, ultimately compromising the educational experience for all students.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 could engender feelings of resentment among those who perceive their
admission
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 as being based on
gender
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 rather than merit.
Instead
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 of implementing quotas, universities should adopt strategies that promote inclusivity and equal opportunity.
This
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 could involve outreach initiatives, mentorship programs, and scholarships aimed at underrepresented groups. By fostering an environment that encourages all individuals to pursue their interests, regardless of
gender
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, we can achieve true equality in education. In conclusion,
while
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 the aim of achieving
gender
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 parity in university admissions is commendable, a more nuanced approach that prioritizes merit and inclusivity is essential for cultivating a vibrant and effective educational landscape.

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task achievement
Consider providing a brief overview of the potential consequences of having rigid quotas in the opening paragraph to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Make sure to further elaborate on the positive impact of mentorship programs and outreach initiatives with specific examples or hypothetical situations to enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Smooth transitions between the paragraphs could be improved to enhance the overall flow of the essay. For example, using transitional phrases like 'On the other hand' or 'In addition' would better connect your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You could also reinforce your conclusion by restating your main argument in a slightly different way, to leave a strong final impression.
content
Strong argumentation supporting both sides of the debate, demonstrating a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Clear and well-structured paragraphs with focused main ideas that contribute to the overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
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