IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Our personalities are predetermined as a result of our genes before we are born and there is nothing that can be done to alter our character traits. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

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I incompletely agree with the statement that our personality qualities and character
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 formed during
gestation
Add an article
the gestation
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 period and the key
role
Use synonyms
 plays
genetics
Change preposition
in genetics
show examples
. I believe that the information in the chromosomes formed more than 75% of our personality. I hope
this
Linking Words
 essay will explore
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon in more detail, supported by relevant examples. There are frequently discussed reasons to what extent genetics plays a
role
Use synonyms
 in our individual development. At first sight, the genetic information given to us by our parents shapes the body and personality characteristics, not only character
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 preferences in
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
future life. As we can observe, everybody looks like their family members, as in appearance as in character.
For example
Linking Words
, if a mother and a father have dark hair , their children probably will have dark ones. On the other hand, I believe that the environment in which the child grows and parenting during childhood at home
as well as
Linking Words
 education at school play significant
Use synonyms
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
 in the development of the person. I know a lot of examples where children ,from families with alcohol or drug problems, were adopted by good parents and became adults without the same problems. In conclusion, I would like to summarize that parenting and education,
as well as
Linking Words
 the
environment
Add the comma(s)
environment,
show examples
 play a vital
role
Use synonyms
 in forming individuals. But we
also
Linking Words
 should keep in mind the importance of genetic effects on
this
Linking Words
 process. Because everybody knows “Like mother, like son”

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Task Achievement
Consider providing a more balanced view by expanding on both sides of the argument more thoroughly, especially the impact of environment in contrast to genetics.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve transition phrases between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the flow and clarity of your ideas.
Task Achievement
Add more specific examples that illustrate how genetic traits may influence personality and how environment has counteracting effects.
Task Achievement
The introduction clearly states your position and provides a roadmap for the essay.
Task Achievement
You have made valid points about both genetics and environment, showing a nuanced understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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