IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

According to an international travel magazine, many tourists today fly straight to their holiday resort and almost never leave it. Unlike tourists in the 1960s and ’70s, they return home with no experience of the local culture. Why do you think this happens? How was tourism different in the past? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience.

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Tourism has clearly altered over the years. It is said that during the 1960s and 70s, tourists used to know nothing upon returning from their global visits.
Conversely
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, these days tourists are becoming more aware and open towards the visited regions to the extent that they almost refuse to return back to their homelands.
This
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 essay will thoroughly explain the reasons behind
this
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 phenomenon, highlighting the main differences over the years. First of all, In the past, people did not get the chance to experience the technological evolution that we are witnessing nowadays. The spread of information in a split second thanks to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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global networking and the internet, has succeeded in demolishing the barrier of time and zones that used to separate the
world
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.
That is
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 why, foreigners did not have the luxury of
this
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 vast amount of knowledge within their palms, currently visualized as mobile phones, to search for various places to visit and explore in no time like we are used to right now.
For instance
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, social media has particularly played a major role in encouraging us to take a leap and follow trusted bloggers in their journeys and trips around the
world
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, after viewing their unbiased reviews, related to countries' expenses, recommended resorts or even street food.
Secondly
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, an extremely significant factor that drove our grandparents' sense of directionality on where to go, or what to do, is safety. And nowadays, almost every corner of the
world
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 has been scanned and visited by many.
This
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 can return to the globalization,
spread
Correct word choice
and spread
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 of flying and travel agencies.
For instance
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, booking a flight used to be a big deal back in the day.
On the contrary
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, it is becoming as simple as getting a metro ticket.
Not to mention
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 the flight amenities that contribute
in
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to
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 the
overall
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 accessibility of the travel experience. In conclusion, Tourism has quite developed in the past five decades, which made people more open and aware of what they have experienced during their travels. In my opinion, the global networking and the internet have shifted the humans' perspectives and how they view the
world
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.
Not to mention
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 today's conventional flights that boosted our courage in
a
Correct determiner usage
one
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 way or another.

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task achievement
Work on providing more clarity in expressing your ideas. For example, instead of 'foreigners did not have the luxury of this vast amount of knowledge,' you could elaborate on how specific knowledge gained from technology impacts their travel experience.
coherence and cohesion
Try to ensure all points flow logically and are clearly connected. You may want to use more linking words to better connect your ideas, particularly between sentences.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear response to the task, discussing the changes in tourism and providing insights into reasons behind these changes.
coherence and cohesion
There is a good range of vocabulary, especially with terms related to technological advancements and safety in travel.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holiday resort
  • local culture
  • all-inclusive
  • excursions
  • exploration
  • virtual experiences
  • cultural immersion
  • aesthetic experiences
  • luxury travel
  • virtual experience
  • tour operators
  • mass tourism
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