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Band 7.5

Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#everybody #amount #income #support #charity
Lately, a plethora of topics are being seriously discussed amongst various individuals and groups, and the prominent one is that everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity. With several arguments to support it, I firmly agree with the statement given.
This
 essay will list the reasons for my preference. A growing body of research suggests that workers split a portion to charity so it can help a lot of people in need, one of those that can be helped is a homeless person.
According to
 the International Economy Organization, the number of individuals who are homeless is increasing every year. If the trend doesn't stop, it can be the reason for a nation’s failure. As for the citizens of the country, it reflects the way the governments rule the country.
Thus
, reducing the amount of homeless people will help out the nation’s worldwide recognition. The second point to emphasise is that supporting charity is one of the best deeds to do. Sharing some of their incomes with those who need more help will make them a better person. Most people believe that doing a good thing will eventually come back to those who did it.
For instance
, there could be a bonus paycheck for them after they donate some money or they could get a promotion sometime later. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the statement given mainly because it benefits not just a person, but the whole country.
Furthermore
, donating a fixed amount to another living is a good way to live anyone’s life.
Submitted by arrafiv on

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task achievement
To improve your essay, you should focus on providing more specific examples to support your arguments. As you discuss the benefits of donating to charity, including real-life examples, statistics, or research findings would strengthen your case and make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is excellent. However, the logical flow between paragraphs can be improved. Make sure each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next by using discourse markers and cohesive devices effectively. This helps your essay to flow more naturally.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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