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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe success in life comes from hard work, dedication, and motivation. While many believe success depends on other important factors like money and appearance. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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Having
success
Use synonyms
 in life is extremely important for everyone to live a better life. In recent years, some
people
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think
Wrong verb form
have thought
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 that the main factors
of
Change preposition
in
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getting
Verb problem
achieving
show examples
success
Use synonyms
 are hard
work
Use synonyms
,
dedication
Use synonyms
, and motivation.
Whereas
Linking Words
, others believe that
money
Use synonyms
 and good appearance play a major role. I will discuss both views with relevant examples and
also
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 provide my opinion in the following essay.
To begin
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 with, there are several reasons that can be considered to support
that achievements
Change the determiner
that achievement
those achievements
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 totally depend on
dedication
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, hard
work
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, and motivation. First and foremost, getting
success
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 through real struggle teaches a lot of lessons to individuals.
For example
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, a poor child who uses a streetlight for study is able to get a higher grade in the examination with the full of hard
work
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 and
dedication
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.
As a result
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, well financial condition and good looks are not essential for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success
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.
Furthermore
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, a study by the University of Waterloo mentioned that 60% of
people
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 in the world become successful by their hard
work
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.
On the other hand
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,
according to
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 individuals thinking, having
money
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 and
well
Correct word choice
good
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 appearance can be definitely beneficial for
people
Use synonyms
 to live a successful life.
For instance
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, a person with well financial condition and better facial structure can easily get selected in the film industry.
Moreover
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,
people
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 with quite enough
money
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 can get
benefit
Correct article usage
the benefit
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to recruit
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of recruiting
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 first for certain types of
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
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.
To conclude
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,
according to
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 my opinion, hard
work
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,
dedication
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, and motivation are the vital factors that everybody has to follow for
success
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, rather than considering
money
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 and appearance. As achieving victory by
devotation
Correct your spelling
devotion
 and hard
work
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, one can feel proud
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 themselves.

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task achievement
Ensure your arguments and examples are clearly developed and elaborated on, which can strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs, such as 'furthermore', 'in addition', and 'on the contrary'.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views, which is important for addressing the prompt effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the essay structure, indicating what the reader can expect.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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