IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

With the increased global demand for oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agree?

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The growing demand for
energy
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sources
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such
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 as oil and gas encourages countries to explore untouched lands to meet
this
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 significant need.
However
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, I firmly believe that investing in renewable
energy
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 could be a more ethical and sustainable solution rather than exploiting new territories.
This
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 essay will examine the reasons behind
this
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 viewpoint and
emphasis
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emphasise
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 the significance of finding
energy
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sources
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 alternative.
To begin
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 with, extracting
energy
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sources
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 from the
environment
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 involves many drawbacks that damage the ecosystem.
In other words
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, the lack of suitable regulations and human destructive behaviours
such
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 as fossil fuel manufacturing and discriminate logging to cover the individuals' requirements have impacted the natural
environment
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 badly.
Therefore
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, expanding industrialization to untouched areas will exacerbate
this
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 global issue and
this
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 can be seen by the growing pollution percentage across the world. In terms of the importance of searching for new resources, renewable
energy
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 has proven that it could be considered a robust choice of gas alternatives because it does not have a side effect on the
environment
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.
In addition
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, to achieve that a massive budget should be allocated from the government to the sciences;
due to
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 their substantial role in exploring eco-friendly alternatives that can be beneficial to preserve and assist the
environment
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 in recovering from the industrial adverse impact.
For example
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, constructing an eco-friendly facility to explore new
energy
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sources
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 could be an effective choice to experiment
its
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with its
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 efficiency. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance;
however
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, humans should protect their
environment
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 by utilizing the sciences
as well as
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 every possible source in order to avoid natural disasters.

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task achievement
Strengthen the introduction by clearly stating your position and outlining the main arguments you will discuss. This provides a clearer roadmap for the reader.
task achievement
Ensure your main points are well-developed and clearly linked to your thesis. Some ideas seem to lack depth and clarity, so elaborating on your arguments would enhance the overall quality of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Consider improving transitions between paragraphs and points to enhance the flow of your essay. Effective linking phrases can bolster coherence and aid reader understanding.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, summarize your key points more concisely and restate your position clearly, ensuring it aligns with your introduction.
task achievement
Your essay presents a thoughtful perspective on the topic, clearly opposing the exploration of untouched lands for oil and gas in favor of renewable resources.
task achievement
You provide a good overview of the environmental impacts of exploiting new territories, highlighting the importance of renewable energy alternatives.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global demand
  • finite resources
  • energy consumption
  • exploiting
  • untouched ecosystems
  • carbon emissions
  • climate change
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable energy solutions
  • geopolitical consequences
  • territorial disputes
  • dependency
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