IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

.Some believe that more academic subjects such as chemistry, physics and history should be taught in schools, while others believe that students will derive more benefit from studying practical subjects, such as motor mechanics and cooking. Discuss both views and provide your own opinion with relevant examples.

#believe #subjects #chemistry #physics #history #schools #students #benefit #motor #mechanics
In
this
 day and age, there has been a heated controversy about whether school education should focus more on academic knowledge or practical subjects.
This
 essay will elaborate on both opinions before giving my own stance. It is indisputable that acquiring academic knowledge is of overriding importance to
students
 as they will experience loads of academic examinations to enter a university which determines one’s educational background. With more remarkable diplomas, they would have a higher probability of being recruited by a superior corporation, leading to a successful life and self-actualization. What is more, the way of tackling problems separates dramatically among different subjects and each course has its own mindset.
For example
,
students
 could derive the ability of reasoning
as well as
 logical thinking from math,
while
 history could nurture them the awareness of critical thinking. By learning a variety of subjects,
students
 can break those mindsets and foster the ability of divergent thinking.
However
, other people suggest that schools should add more practical classes to
students
’ curricula. Possibly the main reason is that more and more youngsters fail to master basic living skills including cooking and fixing things,
thus
 lacking the capability to make a living independently, and some teenagers feel bored when learning those things by themselves. So providing compulsory classes at school seems to be the best solution.
Moreover
, having a strong hands-on skill promotes the development of the nervous system and makes it more active, which will ultimately boost their intelligence. It can be confirmed by continuous research carried out by Peking University. Researchers found that
students
 who had learned gardening performed better than their competitors without
this
 training in the series of examinations in their lives. From what has been discussed above, I put forward that schools should put more academic courses as it is the main duty of schools, and youths could learn living skills from their parents.
Submitted by christianwang on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To reach a higher score, ensure that your ideas are fully developed and substantiated with more specific examples or evidence. While your points are clear and reasonable, offering a broader range of perspectives can enrich your argument, making it more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use transition words and phrases more effectively to enhance the flow of your essay. This will create clearer connections between sentences and paragraphs, thereby improving overall coherence and cohesion.
Task Achievement and Coherence and Cohesion
Try to avoid over-generalizations and include nuanced views. This will demonstrate your ability to see multiple sides of an issue, which is crucial for a balanced and mature argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a good frame for your arguments.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives on the topic, showcasing a balanced discussion before presenting your own opinion.
Task Achievement
Main points are effectively supported with relevant examples, making your arguments more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic subjects
  • practical subjects
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • holistic education
  • curriculum
  • real-life challenges
  • job opportunities
  • foundations
  • professions
  • balanced approach
  • job market
  • demand
  • derive benefit
  • preparation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: