IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some part of the world it is becoming increasingly popular to try to find out the history of their own family why you think people do this do you think it is a positive or negative development.

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In recent times the practice of researching family history has gained attention among people. In my opinion,
this
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 course is more popular because it is a human mindset to explore unrealistic facts which is often more beneficial or hazardous.
This
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 essay will elaborate on both the positive and negative impacts of
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 trend and
thus
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 will lead to a logical conclusion. Analyzing the statement and explaining
further
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, the first and foremost reason behind
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 is that
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 inclination has gained immediate popularity because now pupils are more health conscious and they have the curiosity to examine the reason for their elder's death, numerous medical cases have come to light, where many people are diagnosed to a hereditary disease.
Such
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 as
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 Cancer, Diabetes and Obesity.
As a result
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, individuals tend to rely on advanced medical science to address
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 problem before it appears in their lives. Another striking aspect in
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 regard is that people in orphan homes often undergo DNA testing or blood examinations to discover their biological parents or determine their ethnicity.
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, there are some pitfalls that negate these arguments and certainly overwhelm the potential influence of
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 movement but one of the most alarming ones is that
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 direction has more negative tendencies
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 of positive, it can be considered a waste of time, resources and money.
Firstly
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, It would be more beneficial for them to focus on improving their own health issues and follow a healthy lifestyle or improve their social skills.
Secondly
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, the information on the history of one's family may have adverse effects on their behaviour and sometimes it leads to mental health issues
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 as
,
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 anxiety or depression. To recapitulate,
according to
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 arguments, I reach the conclusion, that researching anyone's own origins is becoming more common in society, and I believe
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 is a negative development.

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task response
Your introduction presents the topic well, but it could provide a clearer thesis statement that outlines your main arguments more explicitly. Consider mentioning both the positive and negative aspects more succinctly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that aligns with your thesis. This will improve the clarity of your arguments and help better organize your ideas.
task response
While you have provided some examples, more specific examples could strengthen your arguments further. For instance, mentioning a particular study or a case could make your points more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. Some sentences are quite long and complex, which may confuse the reader—especially in the first body paragraph.
task response
You have a clear understanding of the topic and present both sides of the argument, which is crucial in IELTS essays.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main viewpoint and reinforces your arguments, which is a strong aspect of your essay.
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