IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Studies show that crime rates are lower among those with education degrees. Therefore, the best way to reduce crime is to educate criminals while they are in prison. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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The statement suggests that
education
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 in
prison
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 can reduce
crime
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 rates, as studies show that people with
education
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 degrees are less likely to commit crimes. I mostly agree with
this
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 idea, but there are some other factors to consider as well. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss why educating
prisoners
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 can help lower
crime
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 rates,
while
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also
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 pointing out other aspects that should not be ignored.
To begin
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 with,
education
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 can give
prisoners
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 the skills and knowledge they need to build a better future. When individuals have access to learning, they might realize that there are alternative ways to live without committing crimes.
For example
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, many
prisoners
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 might have turned to illegal activities because they felt they had no other option. By offering
education
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 in
prison
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, they can learn new skills, earn qualifications, and find legal employment when they are released.
This
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 can reduce the likelihood of re-offending.
Moreover
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,
education
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 can help
prisoners
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 develop a sense of self-worth and responsibility. It can keep them busy and focused, reducing the chances of them getting involved in negative
behaviors
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behaviours
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while
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 incarcerated. When
prisoners
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 feel that they are improving themselves, they may feel more motivated to lead a law-abiding life once they are out of
prison
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.
However
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,
education
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 alone might not be enough to completely reduce
crime
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. There are other issues that need to be addressed,
such
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 as mental health, addiction, and poor social conditions. Many
prisoners
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 come from backgrounds where they
experienced
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experience
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 hardship or lack of
support
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, and these factors
also
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 play a significant role in their criminal
behavior
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behaviour
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. Without tackling these deeper issues,
education
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 might not have a lasting effect.
Additionally
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, there needs to be proper
support
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 for
prisoners
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 after their release. Even if they gain an
education
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 in
prison
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, they may struggle to find jobs and adjust to life outside. If they face rejection from society, they might be tempted to return to
crime
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.
Therefore
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,
education
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 should be paired with a system of
support
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 for reintegration into society. In conclusion, I agree that educating criminals
while
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 they are in
prison
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 can help lower
crime
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 rates, but it should not be seen as the only solution. A more comprehensive approach that addresses the root causes of
crime
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 and offers
support
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 after release would be more effective in reducing
crime
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 in the long term.

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Task Achievement
Consider elaborating on how education programs in prison are structured or what specific types of courses are most beneficial to inmates. This can enhance the depth of your argument regarding the benefits of education.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to link ideas more explicitly, perhaps using transition phrases that indicate how each point relates to the main argument about education's role in crime reduction.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by acknowledging the importance of education while also discussing other factors contributing to crime.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines your position and sets the stage for the argument that follows.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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