IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many newspapers and magazines feature stories about the private lives of famous people. We know what they eat, where they buy their clothes and who they love. We also often see pictures of them in private situations. Is it appropriate for a magazine or newspaper to give this kind of private information about people?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is moving away from home to study or work. It is undeniable that migration has become an essential part of our life.
However
Linking Words
, there is no absolute agreement as some people find
leave
Wrong verb form
leaving
show examples
 home beneficial,
while
Linking Words
 others consider everything associated with
this
Linking Words
 negatively. Surely, there are both pros and cons to migration, but I believe
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
. One of the main
positibes
Correct your spelling
positives
positive
 of
move
Wrong verb form
moving
show examples
 out is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
getting to know a new environment.
For instance
Linking Words
, exposure to a different culture and lifestyle helps individuals broaden their horizons and grow personally.
Moreover
Linking Words
, adapting to a new setting enhances problem-solving skills and independence. Another
advantages
Replace the adjective
advantage
show examples
 is that high education or high salary. A good example here is,
countries
Correct word choice
that countries
show examples
 like South Korea or Japan offer world-class education and competitive salaries, making them attractive destinations for students and professionals. Turning to the other side of the argument
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is that you miss your homeland, family and friends. Another major
disadvantages
Replace the adjective
disadvantage
show examples
 is you might not be able to adapt to the local culture and mentality.
Therefore
Linking Words
 you might be alone in another city. Having weighed everything mentioned up, we can come to a conclusion that
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
moving away to work and study is normal, even better.
This
Linking Words
 marks the beginning of the career journey and provides an excellent opportunity for self-improvement.
While
Linking Words
 challenges exist, overcoming them leads to growth, resilience, and new experiences that shape a brighter future.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction. This strengthens your argument and helps the reader understand your perspective immediately.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs exhibit clear topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph, which will help improve logical flow.
coherence and cohesion
Try to proofread for spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'positibes' instead of 'positives' and 'Another advantages' instead of 'Another advantage.' This will enhance the overall professionalism of your essay.
task achievement
You have clearly identified both sides of the argument, which is important for a balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main point and ties back to your thesis statement, providing a sense of closure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: