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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

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Introduction
It is true in the present era, more and more people argue that mothers and fathers should explain to their
children
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 how to be good individuals in
society
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.
While
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 others think that school is the
place
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 to teach
this
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.
This
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 essay will delve into a phenomenon by supporting relevant examples and insights.
Body paragraph 1
First
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 of all, I believe that
children
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 start learning from their
society
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, especially from their mother and father. To illustrate more, they learn how to speak and require language from their
parents
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 in general.
Moreover
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, they sit with
parents
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 in the
first
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 six years more than others so that they help them to attract new things from them. A study published at the University of Nizwa in 2013 concluded that 90% of
children
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 learn more from their mothers rather than others.
In addition
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, mothers and fathers are a primary source of help for their kids.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, schools
also
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 should help students to become active individuals in their
society
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.
Furthermore
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, that
place
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 should provide them with a good
place
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 for learning and give them the best way; all that will help their learners to require good things.
For example
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, we can see
children
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 at
this
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 time learn a new word when they are introduced to academics.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I consider that
society
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 is the
first
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place
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 that
children
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 learn from.
In addition
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,
parents
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 are the
first
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 individuals that childhood can learn from them.
Therefore
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, the outcomes of
this
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 phenomenon are not limited to
parents
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 only but to
society
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 in general.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and summarize it in the conclusion. It would be helpful to restate the essay question in your introduction for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
The points could be better organized. Consider delineating each argument more distinctly and linking them together using clear transition words.
task achievement
Use more specific and relevant examples to support your points. Some of the examples given were too general and could be fleshed out further for clarity.
content
You've made a commendable effort to present both sides of the argument.
support
The examples provided show an understanding of the topic and establish a basis for your claims.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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