In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation

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It is true that in the present era, the person
like
Replace the word
likes
show examples
owning a
house
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rather than renting one;
that is
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very important for them.
This
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essay will delve into a phenomenon by supporting relevant examples and insights. First of all, I consider that when the number of community builds a special
home
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for them, I think
that is
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better. In more demonstration, they can do everything in their
house
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without any problems.
In addition
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, they can
plan
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for their
home
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as they like, and that will help them to live a happy life.
For instance
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, my brother built a large
house
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for his family in 2018; now they feel happier than before; they do anything in the
house
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and their
house
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plan
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as they like. In another example, in China, all citizens should own a
home
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when the individual reaches 20 years old; that helps them to build a new family in good opportunities.
On the other hand
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, if the public lives in a rented
house
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, I think that they are not able to do what they want.
Furthermore
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, the
plan
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for that
home
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is not as like theirs, so I believe they will live a bad life and not feel happy. A study published at the University of Nizwa in 2016 concluded that 90% of families who live in rented houses feel sad more than others. In conclusion, people should first
plan
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their
home
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before getting married;
this
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will help them live a happy life far away from problems.
Moreover
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, the government should lower that citizens are forced to build a
house
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before marriage. The outcomes of
this
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phenomenon are not limited to governments only but
also
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to communities in general.

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Task Achievement
Try to provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that directly answers the question. For instance, state your stance explicitly on whether you think homeownership is a positive or negative situation.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of ideas by using more cohesive devices (e.g., linking words) to connect your points between paragraphs and within them.
Task Achievement
While you provided a few examples, ensure they are more relevant to your argument and fully illustrate your points.
Task Achievement
You presented a clear understanding of the importance of homeownership in fostering happiness and stability, supported by examples.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
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