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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
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Lives are very complex, and
people
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 have many challenges too.
Nevertheless
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, there are bad things that they might experience too. One example is unsatisfactory
jobs
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 or a shortage of money.
Nevertheless
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, I would argue that it cannot be avoided and making efforts to improve the circumstances is far better for some reasons which are out below. First of all, we cannot choose our destinies which we are chosen by it. Many
people
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 would argue that accepting the condition is the solution to make our lives less stressful. They believe if we think about it every day, it will ruin our lives and ruin our happiness. In my opinion, we can always find a way to solve it and improve the circumstances. Most
people
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 with good positions get their
jobs
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 by working hard to grasp their goals.
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 with, it is claimed that unsatisfactory
jobs
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 or a shortage of money are caused by our failures and our capabilities.
Therefore
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, it is hard to change and upgrade their skills and it is hard to change the reality based on that. Yet, there is a survey in 2020 in Jakarta that reveals that 80% of
people
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 with good positions in their
jobs
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 are motivated by hard work to improve it. In my view, I believe that if they want to fix that condition, they must rise and fix their own weaknesses to improve their situations. So, from my experience, we can start inspecting our capabilities first
then
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 put some planning for a better future. In conclusion, we can fix it and improve our position on our carriers by doing some analysis of our weaknesses and
then
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 improving it gradually. Whilst, it is a good thing to accept our conditions to relieve our stress, we can always move forward by improving our skills
then
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 it will start changing our conditions.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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task achievement
Expand on the points regarding why people believe accepting circumstances can reduce stress. This will provide a balanced view and improve task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a single clear idea and that the ideas follow logically from one to the next. This will enhance coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Use more specific examples and data to support your arguments. This will strengthen your essay by providing concrete evidence for your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The main points are stated clearly and are relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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