Some believe that professional success depends largely on obtaining a good education, while others contend that personal talent and drive are more significant. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There has been an ongoing debate about how to be successful in a
career
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, with some
people
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arguing that it depends on the high quality of education.
In contrast
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, others believe that individual motivation and ability play the most significant.
This
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essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my viewpoint. On the one hand, a good curriculum has some benefits associated with a good
career
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. First of all, the knowledge which
include
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includes
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academic and extracurricular activities will provide a solid fundamental for
people
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before joining the market.
Thus
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,
people
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not only have the ability to resolve some difficult tasks but
also
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provide training sessions for other employees in the company to boost the team productivity.
Secondly
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, nowadays more and more companies require some particular academic certifications to increase their reputation as a way to get more potential customers.
As a result
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, if the employee has graduated from the famous school, they will have a great opportunity to promote in their
career
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.
On the other hand
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, opponents of
this
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view claim that intelligence and drive are the most important to an individual's success. One strong argument against
this
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idea is that the reality is different from the theory
people
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have learned in school. Business is becoming more and more competitive, leading to staff requiring more experience and IQ to cope with various business situations. A good example of
this
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can be seen in top international companies
such
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as Apple or Microsoft always have an IQ in the employment process and they believe that knowledge can be trained but motivation and intelligence cannot. In conclusion, both perspectives offer valid arguments. I believe that
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although
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apply
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talent and motivation are very essential and realistic for each individual to be promoted.
However
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, a strong foundation of knowledge related to the job brings an overview and significant support.
People
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should balance both sides to achieve more success in a
career
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.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments, which could enhance the clarity and depth of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs clearly connect to one another. Using more cohesive devices can help in guiding the reader through your arguments smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, try to make them more impactful. A stronger hook or a more definitive conclusion could help elevate your essay.
task achievement
Your ability to present both sides of the argument shows a balanced perspective, which is commendable.
coherence and cohesion
You successfully structured your essay with clear paragraphs and relevant points, making it easy for the reader to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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