IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honor, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extend do you agree/ disagree with this option?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the present era,
while
Linking Words
 determining an individual's worth, numerous traditional values
such
Linking Words
 as charity, kindness, or trust seem less important than wealth and social standing. I agree that luxurious possessions and high status in
society
Use synonyms
 are the basis for valuing a
person
Use synonyms
. People think a
person
Use synonyms
 with high-valued assets can live comfortably and possess power in
society
Use synonyms
 to be considered worthy. Nowadays, people prioritize their interests over kindness to celebrate luxury materials.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 Forbes Magazine, Kylie Jenner, one of the young billion entrepreneurs, has luxury cars, and jewellery
however
Linking Words
 still total donations account for less than 1% of her total earnings to charity each year. She spends on buying expensive cars and bungalows, setting a bar for others to be financially comfortable.
Therefore
Linking Words
, ownership of high-priced virtue rather than kind societal work is considered of high significance in judging a character.
Moreover
Linking Words
, relations are often based on the status an individual is carrying in
society
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, surveys show that in India families prefer to marry their sons and daughters to wealthy bureaucrats with fraud or criminal cases rather than an ordinary individual with average income and highly honoured in
society
Use synonyms
. These things show how
society
Use synonyms
 makes ethics and moral principles less important in life.
Thus
Linking Words
, an unethical
person
Use synonyms
 tends to be more worthy than an individual possessing moral values. To summarize, everyone believes that moral standards are no longer used as the basis to judge an individual.
Instead
Linking Words
 of owning costly articles
along with
Linking Words
 the designation of high societal value evaluates a
person
Use synonyms
 as having high net worth.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure to clarify your arguments more distinctly. Some ideas feel a bit repetitive or not fully elaborated.
coherence cohesion
Pay close attention to sentence structures to enhance the flow of your writing. Some sentences are a bit choppy or awkwardly phrased.
task achievement
Make sure your examples directly support your argument. The example of Kylie Jenner could be more deeply tied to the essay's main point.
task achievement
Expand on your points about how moral values are being overshadowed by material possessions and social status. This can provide a more compelling case.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a solid framework for your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic well, providing direct responses to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
You have a good command of the topic and present clear and coherent ideas overall.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social status
  • material possessions
  • traditional values
  • luxurious lifestyles
  • high social standing
  • prioritize
  • trustworthiness
  • values are upheld
  • charity
  • community involvement
  • tight-knit communities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: