IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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It is claimed that in many nations, people view owning a home as more important than renting. Having their own
property
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 provides
individuals
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 with a sense of ownership. I believe
this
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 is a negative development because it can adversely affect owners' well-being. Most people dream of owning their own
property
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.
This
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 desire stems from the fact that renting a flat or an apartment often requires
individuals
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 to move frequently. Constantly changing living environments can prevent them from feeling a sense of home ownership.
Additionally
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, renters are unable to make changes to their living space without their landlord’s agreement.
Therefore
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, many prefer to settle in one place rather than move frequently.
For example
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, a survey reported that many Hong Kong citizens aspire to own their own homes, prompting them to work harder.
However
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, the pressure to own
property
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 can have detrimental effects on people’s well-being. Housing costs increase year after year, making it increasingly difficult for workers to buy homes. To enhance their chances of owning their dream house, many
individuals
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 sacrifice their social lives by working long hours or even taking on additional jobs.
This
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 extended work schedule can negatively influence both their physical and mental health.
For instance
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, people who work long hours may experience a higher incidence of heart-related issues,
such
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 as heart disease or hypertension.
Additionally
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, they may be more susceptible to depression than others. In conclusion,
while
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 owning
property
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 can provide
individuals
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 with a sense of accomplishment and security, I believe that
this
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 trend is not a positive development. It can compromise both their physical and mental health.

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task achievement
Consider expanding your introduction to further contextualize the issue of home ownership versus renting. Adding a bit more background information could enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance the transition between your paragraphs for smoother coherence. Using linking phrases can help guide the reader more effectively through your arguments.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points, which can add depth and credibility to your arguments. For instance, citing specific statistics or more detailed studies could strengthen your essay further.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps readability.
task achievement
You effectively address both the positive aspects of owning a home and its negative implications, showcasing balanced argumentation.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Homeownership
  • Property ladder
  • Real estate
  • Mortgage
  • Equity
  • Inflation hedge
  • Stability
  • Long-term investment
  • Asset
  • Liability
  • Housing market
  • Tenure
  • Down payment
  • Property taxes
  • Maintenance costs
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