Nowadays, most countries can improve the standard of living through economic development, but some social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of this phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages?
In recent years, many countries have had a chance to improve the level of life through economic advancement. New sources of income might be harmful to society at the same time. It is agreed, the actions, that might be considered improper, are worth it, when it comes to the country’s economy. Analyzing the chance to decrease the amount of lower class,
as well as
an opportunity to advance the technology breakthrough in the global market will prove it.
First of all, a growing economy has to offer more workplaces, which will provide a better level of life for the majority of the population. As we all know, China has a significant role in the world’s trading; using kids' labour, enslaving people, withdrawing
food. Chinese authorities managed to grow the country to one of the leaders Correct word choice
and withdrawing
world-wise
. The ethics of the mentioned methods might be biased, but they resulted in growth for the whole nation. Correct your spelling
world-wide
Therefore
, it makes it clear, that the “game is worth the candle”, the price that we pay is equivalent to the reward, even if it is measured in human lives.
Secondly
, the solution to the negative outcomes can be found in the same place; unprincipled measures might be profitable enough in technological advancement. An increase in demand for qualified specialists will result in an improvement of the educational system, therefore
everyone will have an opportunity to afford a school and get a high-paying job in tech. In such
a way, the good outweighs the bad in the sense of economic growth.
In conclusion, the phenomenon of the country’s development for the price of social values can be dubious. But I tend to agree with the worth of it, as it performs as a trampoline for the nation’s future endeavours.Submitted by elza.nikk on
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Task response
While your introduction states the topic and your stance, it could more clearly outline the main points that your essay will cover. This helps the reader to follow your argument better.
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You need to provide more specific examples to support your points, and ensure that these examples are relevant and directly related to your argument.
Coherence and cohesion
Work on providing more seamless transitions between your ideas and paragraphs to enhance the reader's understanding and ensure the essay reads smoothly.
Coherence and cohesion
A more balanced view would enhance your argument's depth and show an understanding of the complexity of the issue. Consider acknowledging counterarguments or alternative perspectives.
General
Some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings are present. Try to proofread your text and refine sentences for clarity and accuracy.
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Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your argument effectively.
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Your main points are relevant to the topic and demonstrate an understanding of the issue.
Coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is clear, with distinct paragraphs outlining different points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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