It is a good idea for people to continue working in an old age, if it is possible for them to do so. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
As a comprehensive ageing
society
Use synonyms
looms, the pros and cons of employing the elderly if their fitness allows have become a hot topic. From my perspective, on the one hand,
this
Linking Words
tendency will alleviate the financial pressure resulting from
society
Use synonyms
's ageing;
on the other hand
Linking Words
, it to some degree deprives the elderly of the right to accompany their families. Extending the
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
will definitely decrease the time spent by the elderly on their families. One compelling example can be seen in Japan, where increasingly serious ageing progression has forced its government to revise its laws, dictating that men will retire at the
age
Use synonyms
of 75
while
Linking Words
women are 65.
As a result
Linking Words
, many "silver heads", which were called by some local media, have flown into the Japanese labour market.
Instead
Linking Words
of accompanying their family members, they have to continue toiling in offices
otherwise
Linking Words
they will not obtain a full pension, which, in a developed country, is unaffordable. In an interview by NHK with these old people, they complained that they felt "living like a slavery deprived the right to enjoy family lives". Seen from
this
Linking Words
aspect, extending the
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
is not plausible.
However
Linking Words
, the seemingly unreasonable arrangement has its practical concerns. As I have mentioned, many countries, especially Asian countries like China, Japan, and South Korea are struggling with a serious lack of pensions.
This
Linking Words
has led their governments to expand the labour population as largely as possible, to achieve
this
Linking Words
, one of the most direct ways is to postpone
retirement
Use synonyms
. China, under the pressure of domestic depression and population ageing, has proclaimed the extension of
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
, the men from 65 to 70; and the women from 50 to 55.
According to
Linking Words
the calculation of the Economist,
this
Linking Words
will put off the peak of receiving a pension to 2035, which
otherwise
Linking Words
would come in 2028.
Therefore
Linking Words
, postponing the
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
is an effective way to tackle the forthcoming ageing
society
Use synonyms
. To summarise,
although
Linking Words
the extension of
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
means old people have less time to accompany their families, it is helpful for governments to face the challenges brought by an ageing
society
Use synonyms
, and thereby what we should do is prepare ourselves for its arrival, rather than constantly complain about it.
Submitted by hx88375757 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph presents a single, clear idea and focuses on elaborating that idea to improve coherence. Some parts of the essay have multiple main points crowded into a single paragraph, which can make it slightly difficult for readers to follow.
task achievement
Provide more balanced examples or discuss counterarguments where applicable. This will show a more comprehensive understanding and consideration of differing perspectives on the issue.
task achievement
The essay presents relevant and specific examples, such as the situation in Japan, to illustrate the points made. This helps strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, making the essay organized and complete. Both the introduction and conclusion do well to frame the argument effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses the question directly, with a clear stance taken on whether it is beneficial for people to continue working into old age.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive decline
  • Mental and emotional well-being
  • Social interaction
  • Financial stability
  • Sense of purpose
  • Self-worth
  • Physical health
  • Skill utilization
  • Experience
  • Flexible working hours
  • Generational gap
  • Elderly individuals
  • Retirement
  • Workplace
  • Economic contribution
What to do next:
Look at other essays: