It is a good idea for people to continue working in an old age, if it is possible for them to do so. Do you agree or disagree?
As a comprehensive ageing
society
looms, the pros and cons of employing the elderly if their fitness allows have become a hot topic. From my perspective, on the one hand, Use synonyms
this
tendency will alleviate the financial pressure resulting from Linking Words
society
's ageing; Use synonyms
on the other hand
, it to some degree deprives the elderly of the right to accompany their families.
Extending the Linking Words
retirement
Use synonyms
age
will definitely decrease the time spent by the elderly on their families. One compelling example can be seen in Japan, where increasingly serious ageing progression has forced its government to revise its laws, dictating that men will retire at the Use synonyms
age
of 75 Use synonyms
while
women are 65. Linking Words
As a result
, many "silver heads", which were called by some local media, have flown into the Japanese labour market. Linking Words
Instead
of accompanying their family members, they have to continue toiling in offices Linking Words
otherwise
they will not obtain a full pension, which, in a developed country, is unaffordable. In an interview by NHK with these old people, they complained that they felt "living like a slavery deprived the right to enjoy family lives". Seen from Linking Words
this
aspect, extending the Linking Words
retirement
Use synonyms
age
is not plausible.
Use synonyms
However
, the seemingly unreasonable arrangement has its practical concerns. As I have mentioned, many countries, especially Asian countries like China, Japan, and South Korea are struggling with a serious lack of pensions. Linking Words
This
has led their governments to expand the labour population as largely as possible, to achieve Linking Words
this
, one of the most direct ways is to postpone Linking Words
retirement
. China, under the pressure of domestic depression and population ageing, has proclaimed the extension of Use synonyms
retirement
Use synonyms
age
, the men from 65 to 70; and the women from 50 to 55. Use synonyms
According to
the calculation of the Economist, Linking Words
this
will put off the peak of receiving a pension to 2035, which Linking Words
otherwise
would come in 2028. Linking Words
Therefore
, postponing the Linking Words
retirement
Use synonyms
age
is an effective way to tackle the forthcoming ageing Use synonyms
society
.
To summarise, Use synonyms
although
the extension of Linking Words
retirement
Use synonyms
age
means old people have less time to accompany their families, it is helpful for governments to face the challenges brought by an ageing Use synonyms
society
, and thereby what we should do is prepare ourselves for its arrival, rather than constantly complain about it.Use synonyms
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph presents a single, clear idea and focuses on elaborating that idea to improve coherence. Some parts of the essay have multiple main points crowded into a single paragraph, which can make it slightly difficult for readers to follow.
task achievement
Provide more balanced examples or discuss counterarguments where applicable. This will show a more comprehensive understanding and consideration of differing perspectives on the issue.
task achievement
The essay presents relevant and specific examples, such as the situation in Japan, to illustrate the points made. This helps strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, making the essay organized and complete. Both the introduction and conclusion do well to frame the argument effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses the question directly, with a clear stance taken on whether it is beneficial for people to continue working into old age.