IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that social networking side like (Facebook) have had a use negative impact on both individuals and society .to what extend do you agree?

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It is undeniable that social networking services make
people
Use synonyms
 easier to keep in touch with each other.
However
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, they
occurs
Verb problem
have
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 negative impacts
to
Change preposition
on
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 our mental health in
various
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a various
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way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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. Some
people
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 would feel
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depression
Replace the word
depressed
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 see through the posts, and some
wants
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want
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 to attract other
people
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 to post excessively violent or sexual images. In
this
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 essay, I will describe the phenomenon combined with that and
tell
Verb problem
give
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 my own opinion. First of all, we can see other
people
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's
post
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posts
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 just scrolling
screen
Correct article usage
the screen
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,
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while
Correct word choice
and
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 we know that kind of acting makes us
comparing
Wrong verb form
compare
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 each other.
Psycologically
Correct your spelling
Psychologically
,
human
Add an article
the human
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 brain works
feeling
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by feeling
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 envy or
depression
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 if
other
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others
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looks
Correct subject-verb agreement
look
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like
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apply
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better than us.
This
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 phenomenon has been proven in the research conducted by Korean National
Statistic
Fix the agreement mistake
Statistics
show examples
. They said that the highest answered category of the reason
of
Change preposition
for
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depression
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 was comparing them with other
people
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 posted online.
This
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 can
draw
Verb problem
cause
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 severe social problems
such
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 as
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
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 rate of suicide in Korea.
Furthermore
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, there are some influencers who want to get attention
imediately
Correct your spelling
immediately
 and conveniently
posting
Wrong verb form
post
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 violent or sexual
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
. Especially
adolesents
Correct your spelling
Adolescents
 are vulnerable to
such
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 impact of social networking side.
Due to
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 their brain is not fully grown, if they are exposed to violent or sexual
post
Fix the agreement mistake
posts
show examples
, the impression of that strongly
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
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 in their memories,
as a
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result
Add the comma(s)
result,
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 they would mimic that or get a trauma.
For instance
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,
Australian
Correct article usage
the Australian
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 Government created a new regulation, limiting SNS activities from
people
Use synonyms
 aged under 15. Their Padiatric specialists support that idea as a good solution to
adolesents'
Correct your spelling
adolescents'
 dangerous behavior. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that the SNS
makes
Verb problem
creates
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 new kinds of
crisis
Fix the agreement mistake
crises
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to
Change preposition
in
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 our society. It makes
people
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to
Change the verb form
apply
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feel
Use synonyms
depression
Replace the word
depressed
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and
extreme
Correct article usage
an extreme
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 tendency to younger generations. In
this
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 regard, every government should
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 a solution to regulate the social networking sides.

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general
Be mindful of sentence structure and ensure grammatical accuracy to enhance clarity.
coherence
Work on providing clearer transitions between ideas to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Consider elaborating on your examples with more detail or additional evidence to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and provides a clear opinion, which is essential for addressing the task.
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