Some people prefer to help or support directly in the local community for people who need it; however, others prefer to give money to the national or private charities. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

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It is true in the present era, more and more individuals like to help or support directly in the local society for a number of communities that need it,
while
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others
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prefer to feed funds to the national or private handout.
This
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essay will delve into a phenomenon by supporting relevant examples and insights. First of all, I consider that if the person gives help to
others
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directly, it's bad.
In addition
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, maybe he/she does not know if that individual needs help or not.
Moreover
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, at
this
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time, more and more nations defraud
people
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.
For instance
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, in Sohar, some of the public go to
others
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for money because their mother or father is sick and wants to buy medicine, but they are liars. A study published at the University of Sultan Qaboos in 2013 concluded that 90% of these persons use
this
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way to collect coins only, and they are rich.
On the other hand
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, I favour that individuals, if they need help, should take that money to national or private charities because they know who needs help or not.
Furthermore
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, many
people
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who need help register their names and information in these institutions.
For instance
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, my friend's family is very poor, but they do not require help from
others
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; they register their information with charities.
Moreover
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,
this
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gives them help monthly.
To sum up
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, I feel that
people
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should be sure if
others
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need help or not.
Also
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, if they need to provide help, they must give money to institutions.
Moreover
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, the government should observe those
people
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who defraud
people
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and impose strict laws on them. The outcomes of
this
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phenomenon are not limited to governments only but
also
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to society in general.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss. Mention the two perspectives and your opinion more explicitly.
task achievement
Strengthen your argument by avoiding absolute terms. Instead of stating, 'it's bad' to help directly, provide reasoning about why it can be misunderstood.
coherence and cohesion
The organization of ideas can be improved. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates directly to the thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words and phrases. This will help to guide the reader through your arguments more effectively and improve flow.
task achievement
Clarify your examples. Some examples lack context or clear relevance to the argument you are making. Make sure they illustrate your points well.
task achievement
You provided specific examples to illustrate your points, which shows an attempt to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main message effectively, reinforcing your stance on the issue.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • philanthropy
  • grassroots
  • non-governmental organizations (NGOs)
  • altruism
  • donation
  • volunteer
  • sponsor
  • beneficiary
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • advocacy
  • impact
  • scalability
  • community development
  • fundraising
  • non-profit sector
  • humanitarian aid
  • social responsibility
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