Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#think #children #activities #video #games

There is a view that the essential difference in some people's performance is that they prefer participating in outdoor

activities

rather than playing computer

games

While

video

games

are common in the modern world, I totally agree with

this

viewpoint because outdoor

activities

not only enhance

overall

health

but

also

help

children

become more social among all peers and

friends

. On the one hand, engaging in outdoor

activities

has a good many positive sides.

Firstly

if youngsters take part in somehow

games

like Football, it fosters their physical and mental

health

condition. Plus, outdoor

activities

provide necessary vitamin D from sunlight, which is essential for bone

health

and immune function.

For example

, studies show that spending time in nature,

such

as walking in a park is able to reduce stress and boost mental

health

As a consequence

, the young generation will be healthier in future.

On the other hand

,one of the best methods for

children

to be more social with their

friends

is to participate in outdoor

activities

.Unless some

children

isolate themselves from the outside world, they can get in touch with

friends

by playing certain types of

games

In addition

children

have a chance to spend time with their family members in nature by eating out or playing attractive

games

as well as

walking together in the park.

This

is exemplified by, attending outdoor

games

may pave the path for making relationships with others. In conclusion,

although

some say that playing video

games

has some drawbacks for

children

health

, taking part in outdoor

activities

can enhance either

health

or social communication with their family or

friends

Therefore

, I fully agree with

this

notion because of its positive influence.

Submitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on Sun Oct 06 2024

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task achievement

The essay provides a clear and complete response to the task, covering why outdoor activities are beneficial. However, more specific evidence or examples, particularly in the first paragraph, could improve the effectiveness of your argument.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay is well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Ensure that each point is consistently supported with evidence or examples to maximize their impact.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay's structure is clear, featuring an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which enhances readability and flow.

task achievement

The points about health benefits and social opportunities from outdoor activities are well articulated and relevant.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

277 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

7.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

7.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

physical health
exercise and movement
social interaction
teamwork
communication skills
cognitive skills
problem-solving
strategic thinking
hand-eye coordination
holistic approach
environmental awareness
sedentary lifestyle
obesity
posture
balance

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Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

It is important for all the cities and towns to have large outdoor public spaces, such as parks or squares. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people think that cities are the best places to live. Others prefer to live in a rural area. Compare the advantages and disadvantages of living in the city to living in the countrysid.

In many countries, it is very easy to apply for and be given a credit card. However, this causes some people to have problems with debts they cannot pay back. Do you think the advantages of credit cards outweigh the disadvantages?