Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#think #children #activities #video #games

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There is a view that the essential difference in some people's performance is that they prefer participating in outdoor

activities

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rather than playing computer

games

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While

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video

games

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are common in the modern world, I totally agree with

this

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viewpoint because outdoor

activities

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not only enhance

overall

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health

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but

also

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help

children

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become more social among all peers and

friends

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. On the one hand, engaging in outdoor

activities

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has a good many positive sides.

Firstly

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if youngsters take part in somehow

games

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like Football, it fosters their physical and mental

health

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condition. Plus, outdoor

activities

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provide necessary vitamin D from sunlight, which is essential for bone

health

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and immune function.

For example

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, studies show that spending time in nature,

such

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as walking in a park is able to reduce stress and boost mental

health

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As a consequence

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, the young generation will be healthier in future.

On the other hand

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,one of the best methods for

children

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to be more social with their

friends

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is to participate in outdoor

activities

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.Unless some

children

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isolate themselves from the outside world, they can get in touch with

friends

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by playing certain types of

games

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In addition

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children

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have a chance to spend time with their family members in nature by eating out or playing attractive

games

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as well as

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walking together in the park.

This

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is exemplified by, attending outdoor

games

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may pave the path for making relationships with others. In conclusion,

although

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some say that playing video

games

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has some drawbacks for

children

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health

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, taking part in outdoor

activities

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can enhance either

health

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or social communication with their family or

friends

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Therefore

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, I fully agree with

this

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notion because of its positive influence.

Submitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on Sun Oct 06 2024

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task achievement

The essay provides a clear and complete response to the task, covering why outdoor activities are beneficial. However, more specific evidence or examples, particularly in the first paragraph, could improve the effectiveness of your argument.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay is well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Ensure that each point is consistently supported with evidence or examples to maximize their impact.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay's structure is clear, featuring an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which enhances readability and flow.

task achievement

The points about health benefits and social opportunities from outdoor activities are well articulated and relevant.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

7.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

7.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

277 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

physical health
exercise and movement
social interaction
teamwork
communication skills
cognitive skills
problem-solving
strategic thinking
hand-eye coordination
holistic approach
environmental awareness
sedentary lifestyle
obesity
posture
balance

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Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and healtg care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Some people think schools should teach students to form good behavior in addition to providing normal education. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people say it is manufactures' and supermarkets’ responsibility to reduce the amount of packing of products they sell and others say it is the consumers’ responsibility to avoid buying products with too much packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?n?