IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

When new towns are planned, it is mportant to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, construction of new cities has increased in many countries. Some people believe building
facilities
Use synonyms
 for public use
such
Linking Words
 as
parks
Use synonyms
 and
fitness
Use synonyms
areas
Use synonyms
 are essential in a city,
while
Linking Words
 others think it would be better to have a shopping mall to hang out with their loved ones. I strongly agree with having public
facilities
Use synonyms
 in a new town because it will develop social interactions and the
fitness
Use synonyms
 level of the residents. Having many
areas
Use synonyms
 of public
facilities
Use synonyms
 will have a great impact on the surrounding society. As the
parks
Use synonyms
 become easily accessible society will start to use them for productive activities.
This
Linking Words
 will boost the number of social interactions which lately fewer folk are likely to do it.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the exercise
areas
Use synonyms
 can be utilised by people of different ages, eliminating the image that "getting healthy is expensive".
For example
Linking Words
, many
fitness
Use synonyms
 clubs charge a large amount of money to be able to use their
facilities
Use synonyms
. The
parks
Use synonyms
 and health
facilities
Use synonyms
 that will be built for the public can potentially replace that. Turning over to the other side, shopping centres are indeed important to increase the town's economy.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these new stores can raise the number of job openings, decreasing the number of unemployed people. Despite
this
Linking Words
, too many shopping malls could lead to bad habits,
for instance
Linking Words
, being consumptive and unhealthy.
In addition
Linking Words
, the local economy can
also
Linking Words
 be increased without many malls as there are many remote working jobs and online shopping platforms in
this
Linking Words
 era. To summarize, I agree with having many
parks
Use synonyms
 &
fitness
Use synonyms
areas
Use synonyms
 in new cities because the level of human interactions and health will positively impact the neighbourhoods. Folks who love to hang out and shop at the mall can be mitigated by changing the scenery to the
parks
Use synonyms
 and shopping through online platforms.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
While the introduction states your opinion clearly, it could be improved by briefly introducing the two viewpoints (public facilities vs shopping centers) before stating your agreement. This will provide clarity to the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that paragraphs transition smoothly from one to another. Consider using clearer linking phrases to enhance coherence. For example, in the transition to the discussion of shopping centers, a phrase such as 'On the other hand' could help readability.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the points made, but it may benefit from rephrasing your overall stance in a clearer way. Reiterating your main argument regarding the benefits of public facilities could strengthen the conclusion.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and addresses a relevant topic, demonstrating an understanding of the importance of public facilities in relation to social interaction and health.
Task Achievement
The use of examples, such as the comparison between fitness clubs and public facilities, effectively supports your arguments and displays your ability to provide relevant details.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: