IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the only reason for learning a foregin language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country . Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both views and give your own pinion.

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Knowledge
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 is key to success. The more you learn ,
more
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the more
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 is the profit. Nowadays the world is getting competitive and to stand out one needs to learn various languages
,
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apply
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 and skills. Learning a new concept of
knowledge
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 is not only helpful in travelling or
work to
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working
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 overseas but is
also
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 mandatory for building
the
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apply
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strong
relationship
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relationships
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 with
the
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apply
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other countries. And I
compeltely
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completely
 agree with
this
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 statement.
To begin
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with
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with,
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 the
positives
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positive
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 of expanding your
knowledge
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 in new speech is that it is helpful when you travel to
other country
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another country
other countries
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 in terms of work or as a fun destination. At that time the new
language
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 you learn is useful in order to communicate with the native
people
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 and
also
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 to gain more information about the culture of that place.
For instance
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, French is the mother
language
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 of
canadians
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Canadians
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 and is widely spoken so gaining information in that particular field can
helps
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help
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 to build
connection
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a connection
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 with the
canadians
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Canadians
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.
On the other
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hand
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hand,
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 learning a new core concept brings more opportunities to your
door-step
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doorstep
show examples
. In the market
people
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 who are bilingual are given more
job
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 opportunities in the fields
an
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and
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 they can deal with
the
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apply
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customers around the world. If we talk about the
job
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scenerio
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scenario
 in
food
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the food
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 industry
people
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 who have
ocean
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an ocean
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 of
knowledge
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 in various languages are happily accepted as they bring more worth to the table.
Apart from
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this
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,
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it is the trend going in various countries that that a specific spoken
language
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 of that place is
madatory
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mandatory
 to gain
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job
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a job
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 in that province.
For example
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, In
canada
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Canada
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people
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 who know
has
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apply
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french as their second
language
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 are given permanent residency
of
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in
show examples
the
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apply
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canada
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Canada
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.
To sum up
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, learning a new
language
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 not only builds your resume but can
also
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 help you to land
in
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apply
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your dream
job
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. Focussing on a new concept is a win-win situation in today's world.

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task achievement
Try to provide a clearer thesis statement in your introduction to express the main argument. Also, ensure that your main points directly address both views of the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your paragraphs have a clear main idea and that all supporting sentences contribute to it. This will help improve the logical flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using transition words more frequently to link your ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
You provide some relevant examples to support your points, such as the importance of bilingual speakers in the job market and the specific case of French speakers in Canada.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively sums up your main argument about the benefits of learning a new language, leaving a strong impression.
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