IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Long distance flight consumes the amount of fuel that a car uses for many years and pollutes the air. Some people think that we should discourage non-essential flights, such as tourists travel, rather than limit the use of cars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Limiting non-essential aviation services is an effective method to reduce
air
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 contamination,
instead
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 of reducing the utilization of
cars
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.
However
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, I disagree with
this
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 notion.
This
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 essay will shed light on the reasons with relevant examples in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
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, decreasing the use of
flights
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 for international visitors will impact the nation’s economy and cause difficulties for the common man. It leads to numerous problems among kinds of people,
as well as
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, missing some special events by students, and postponing the meetings by organizations
due to
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 the absence of owners.
Along with
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this
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, it fosters jeopardized conditions for aviation companies
due to
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 the loss of ticket sales, ultimately, less revenue goes to the government.
For instance
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,
Air
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 Canada company missed 15
flights
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due to
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 weather conditions, in the year of 2011,
as a result
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, around 2000 entrepreneurs lost their business deals and
Air
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 Canada lost two thousand billion dollars in sales, which was very astonishing for the whole world. In order to reduce
air
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 pollution, restricting
flights
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 is not an appropriate way.
On the other hand
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, the dirtying of
air
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 can be controlled by restricting driving
cars
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, as, other transportation modes
such
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 as metro, bus, and, auto are easily available and accessible to commute. People will never miss their events or meetings they wake up half an hour before to catch public transportation. The biggest example of Delhi the capital of India, which practices the policy of odd and even numbers of
cars
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 for the following purposes,
as well as
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, for diminishing the carbon emissions from the atmosphere, and giving some space for pedestrians to walk freely. In
this
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 case, neither companies nor individuals suffer.
To conclude
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, after discussing all the viewpoints, it has been clearly stated that limiting fewer necessary
flights
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 is not a good idea for both people’s careers and aviation companies’ financial growth and reputation,
however
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, the goal of vanishing the pollution from
air
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 can surely be done by preferring public transportation rather than owned
cars
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to the main argument, making it easier for the reader to follow the logic of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clarify the main idea and ensure that all supporting sentences are relevant and develop this idea further.
task achievement
Expand on your examples and provide context or analysis to strengthen your argument, particularly in the economics-related sections.
task achievement
Make clearer distinctions between the advantages of addressing air pollution through car usage limits rather than flight restrictions, enhancing the clarity of your argument.
positive
The introduction effectively outlines the essay's purpose and presents a clear thesis statement, which sets a good foundation for the argument.
positive
Your use of a real-world example related to Air Canada strengthens your argument about the economic impact of flight restrictions, demonstrating relevant supporting detail.
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