IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is commonly believed that wealth is the main reason for living a happy
life
Use synonyms
, which might be
due to
Linking Words
 the extensive privileges we can get from having
such
Linking Words
 an amount of money.
Although
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is not the only way we can achieve an enjoyable living situation. It is undeniable that we need to have enough funds to be able to afford our basic necessities
such
Linking Words
 as education, a comfortable home, and clothes. The failure to provide these things will definitely impact our souls. The people who are able to successfully afford all of these will perceive their lives in a more positive light compared to others who can not.
Additionally
Linking Words
, securing
such
Linking Words
 money
also
Linking Words
 provides us with the chance of having a hobby that will increase our satisfaction in
life
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, our joy in
life
Use synonyms
 will not always depend on how many assets we have. There are other things that are
also
Linking Words
 crucial,
such
Linking Words
 as supportive family and reliable friends. I would imagine that even if we had more than enough wealth, we would have not enjoyed our
life
Use synonyms
 to the fullest if we could not share it with our loved ones. There are many cases of rich celebrities who experience depression and are not happy with their lives because they do not have a good support system. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 it is true that how we enjoy our lives depends on our financial situation, other things
such
Linking Words
 as family and friends are
also
Linking Words
 needed to ensure our contentment in
life
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your arguments about happiness.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the transitions between ideas to enhance flow and clarity.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction presents a clear stance on the topic, establishing the context well.
task achievement
You effectively highlight the importance of family and friends in contributing to happiness, offering a balanced view.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial security
  • Basic needs
  • Comfort
  • Luxury
  • Freedom
  • Altruistic
  • Philanthropy
  • Nurturing relationships
  • Fulfillment
  • Sense of accomplishment
  • Physical well-being
  • Spiritual beliefs
  • Community involvement
  • Gratitude
  • Mindfulness
  • Simple pleasures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: