In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In numerous countries,
children
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are involve
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are involved
show examples
in several types of
employment
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, which are paid.
According to
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some individuals,
this
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is not beneficial, whilst others believe that
this
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should be regarded as precious
work
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experience.
Although
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paid
work
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sometimes makes the
lives
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of
children
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hectic, I personally think that
this
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experience is precious because it ultimately facilitates them to find
employment
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in the future. If
children
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involve themselves in paid
employment
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,
this
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makes their
lives
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hectic. They have to balance their
worklife
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work life
work-life
, schooling and studies at the same time.
As a result
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, they feel tired and exhausted and sometimes struggle to balance all these together.
For example
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, in the USA, many teenagers
work
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in local coffee shops to manage their pocket money. They sometimes battle to manage their time and compromise self-care and quality time with their families.
However
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, I believe that these sorts of
work
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experiences allow them to find jobs in their adult
lives
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. Paid
work
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in teenage life facilitates
children
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because it is counted as paid experience and enables them to find
employment
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in the future.
Children
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develop some essential
skills
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such
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as effective communication , problem-solving, time-management and organization
skills
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, which are crucial in every job sector. If
children
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can build those
skills
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at the very early stages of their
lives
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, it assists them in finding
employment
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easily when they become adults.
For example
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, in India, many adolescents deliver newspapers in the early morning before attending their schools, which enhances their time-management
skills
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.
Therefore
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, I feel that involving in paid
work
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is really useful for
children
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. In conclusion,
although
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engaging in paid
work
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makes
children
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exhausted and tired because of balancing their studies and
work
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, it ultimately helps them to find
employment
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in the future.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the complexity of your sentence structures to enhance the sophistication of your writing. This could include using more varied conjunctions and transitions.
task achievement
Ensure to elaborate on your points a bit more. For instance, when discussing how paid work makes life hectic, provide more depth on the potential long-term impacts on children's wellbeing.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples to illustrate your points, especially the references to the USA and India, which strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize your views on the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child labour
  • Paid work
  • Human rights
  • Ethical standards
  • Long-term educational prospects
  • Personal development
  • Dangerous working conditions
  • Emotional well-being
  • Systemic exploitation
  • Life skills
  • Time management
  • Financial support
  • Work-life balance
  • Real-world exposure
  • Cultural context
  • Traditional norm
  • Rite of passage
  • Psychological harm
  • Vulnerability
  • Employers
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