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Writing Samples
Band 5

Stress is now a major problem in many countries around the world. What are some of the factors in modern society that cause this stress and how can we reduce it?

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Mental health is now a major issue in various countries around the world, especially
stress
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.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because of the unlimited use of social media and lifestyle changes. There are
number
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a number
the number
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 of solutions which should be implemented to deal with the
stress
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people
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 are facing around the world.
Firstly
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, developing technology has various negative impacts on our
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
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, making us stressed.
For example
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, negative comments, trolling, and bullying online can cause emotional distress, anxiety, and even depression.
Moreover
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, excessive social media use, especially before bed, can interfere with sleep patterns, leading to fatigue and increased
stress
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 levels.
Secondly
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, laziness is the second issue of
stress
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, most
people
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 tend to choose indoor work sectors and try to find easy
way
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ways
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 to do
houseworks
Correct your spelling
housework
,
such
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 as ordering groceries online or renting
cleaner
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cleaners
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. Even though, exercise provides a healthy outlet for
stress
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 relief, a lack of exercise
people
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 may turn to unhealthy habits like overeating, excessive screen time, or substance use. There are two effective solutions to the problem of being stressed. One way to tackle
this
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 is to avoid using social platforms before bed and wear glasses which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 dedicated to preventing eyes from blue light exposure effects.
Moreover
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, unfollow accounts that make you feel insecure and follow positive, uplifting content. Of
course
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course,
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 exercising regularly is one thing we should do,
as a result
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,
increase
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increases
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 endorphin levels and
lead
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leads
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 to feelings of happiness. If exercising alone is difficult, try working out with friends or family for motivation. In conclusion , the increase
of
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in
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stress
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 is a worrying trend in many countries. Only by restricting social media platforms and encouraging exercise can we hope to help
people
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 live happily.

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task achievement
Try to add more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you might reference studies or statistics that illustrate the impact of social media on mental health.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical flow between sentences and ideas. Make sure that each point naturally leads to the next for smoother reading.
coherence and cohesion
Consider revising some grammar and sentence structure for clarity. For example, the phrase 'lazy is the second issue of stress' could be rephrased for better understanding.
task achievement
The essay identifies relevant factors contributing to stress and proposes practical solutions.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unemployment
  • financial instability
  • social safety nets
  • constant connectivity
  • work-life balance
  • remote work
  • social isolation
  • community support
  • chronic illnesses
  • affordable healthcare
  • public health campaigns
  • mental well-being
  • high-stakes testing
  • holistic education
  • flexible working hours
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