IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as foood, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Growing a
child
Use synonyms
 is a demanding task that requires knowledge and wisdom. Allowing a
child
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 to
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
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 what to wear, eat or do, might lead to
a
Remove the article
apply
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selfish behaviour in adulthood;
however
Linking Words
, I believe that freedom of choice teaches responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 an
anction
Correct your spelling
action
auction
 and it is important to allow a
child
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make
Fix the infinitive
to make
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 the
decision
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. It is said that every
child
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 is selfish until some certain age and parenting should teach
overcome
Fix the infinitive
to overcome
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this
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as well as
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 adjust to the environment.
Such
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 small details as choosing the outfit or meal might feel like power to the young one, leading to the idea that everything is given what the one wants. As
the
Correct article usage
a
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 result,
this
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 behaviour
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 a young person selfish and less flexible in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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restricted environments. My niece,
for instance
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, is two years old and
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
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 everything she chooses; the girl becomes jealous when her mom is talking to someone else and starts crying.
Thus
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, I think that
this
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early age
Add a hyphen
early-age
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 habit might turn into more serious
dramas
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drama
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 when the girl grows up. Freedom,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, builds confidence,
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
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 of responsibility and self-efficacy. Research shows that
such
Linking Words
Use synonyms
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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 like what to wear or eat, have
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 impact on cognitive behaviour development and allow children to be more independent and decisive. As, owing a
decision
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 and
independance
Correct your spelling
independence
 are key factors
building
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in building
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 self-awareness, self-confidence and responsible activity, I agree that choice-making is a great learning in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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childhood. As a conclusion, despite having challenges with self-excentric perception in childhood and puberty, personally, I think that
decision
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-making is an excellent way to bring self-trust and confidence to a
child
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. Once children learn the outcome of their
Use synonyms
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
, they can start learning from their mistakes.

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coherence and cohesion
Although you present your views on both sides, make sure to provide clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to enhance logical flow.
task achievement
Consider expanding on your examples or providing more specific illustrations to strengthen your arguments.
grammar and vocabulary
Ensure grammatical accuracy and consistency, paying attention to spelling and verb forms to improve clarity. For instance, 'chose' should be 'choose', and 'an anction' needs to be corrected to 'an action'.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced discussion of both perspectives on the issue of children's choices, which is commendable.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your opinion, reinforcing your stance on the importance of decision-making for children.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, clearly indicating the topic of the essay.
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