Nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Recently, celebrities have become

idol

Fix the agreement mistake

idols

show examples

for the new generation. Some argue that these stars are setting a negative

example

Use synonyms

for the younger generation by gaining popularity through their attractive facial features and wealth rather than personal achievements. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will discuss why I agree with

this

Linking Words

notion and explain some points with relevant examples. Celebrities are more popular

due to

Linking Words

their personal well-being. They used expensive products that couldn’t be afforded by the local

people

Use synonyms

. Kylie Jenner,

for

Linking Words

example

Use synonyms

, had the most Instagram followers till 2022, now the position is taken by Salena Gomez.

However

Linking Words

, Kylie is the most successful businesswoman and is famous mostly for his luxurious lifestyle and beauty which she enhanced through plastic surgeries.

People

Use synonyms

follow Kylie for her glamour, and

this

Linking Words

is setting a negative

example

Use synonyms

for young

people

Use synonyms

. We need to focus on personal achievements rather than temporary beauty.

Secondly

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

follow their stars on different social media platforms including Facebook and Instagram, where they are highly influenced by their way of living. Maaz Safder,

for

Linking Words

example

Use synonyms

, a famous YouTuber of Pakistan has 5 million followers on YouTube. In an interview, he disclosed his monthly income, and said, he received 1 crore Pkr rupees monthly, in which, a person can easily buy a Honda car.

Although

Linking Words

he Is a famous YouTuber,

people

Use synonyms

know him for his wealth only. No one knows about the hard times he faced during his crucial period. We see and are influenced by the things that we see on social media and

this

Linking Words

sets a bad situation for adults. In conclusion, many celebrities are famous for their beauty and way of living only because they show off their lifestyle on social media.

However

Linking Words

, those who follow them get influenced by their wealth and get to know more because of those things rather than personal achievement.

sadiahussain028Wed Feb 07 2024

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introduction

Your introduction could be more engaging by directly addressing the essay topic, providing a clear thesis statement, and outlining what the essay will cover. Additionally, avoid using general phrases and get straight to the point.

coherence

In terms of coherence and cohesion, strive to organize your paragraphs more logically and use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow of your essay. Avoid abrupt transitions between ideas.

task response

Your essay must always stay focused on addressing the essay prompt directly. Make sure every example and idea included in your essay is relevant to the question and contributes to your argument.

lexical resource

Use a wider range of vocabulary to articulate your points more effectively. Avoid repetition and try to use synonyms or rephrase your sentences for better expression.

conclusion

The conclusion could be stronger by summarizing the main points of your argument and restating your position clearly. A conclusion should not introduce new information.

balance

You need to provide a balanced discussion with examples that illustrate both sides of the argument if the essay requires it, which strengthens the task response score.

examples

Support your main points with more detailed examples and explanations that clearly show how they relate to the topic at hand. This will help you to meet the task requirement of providing relevant and specific examples.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

306 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

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Nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Global warming Is one of the biggest threats to our environment. What problem does this cause? what can be done to deal with this situation?

Many governments spend a lot of money on art. Some people think this investment in art is necessary, but others say the money is better spent on improving health and education. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools or disagree? To what extent do you agree

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused bu this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

The best way to remove poverty in developing countries is to provide 6 years of free education to all children. So that they can read, write and use numbers agree or disagree.