IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit. What are the causes of this? How can we reduce smoking in society? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The disadvantages of smoking are many points but many
people
Use synonyms
 still continue to take it without caring about the effects of
this
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.
This
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 essay will show the causes of
this
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 habit and
also
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 the possible solution to reduce smoking in public
society
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.
Firstly
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, there are many smoking stores that
people
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 can easily access, buy, and
also
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 try on their own first-time like young
people
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. Most smokers insist on taking tobacco into their bodies because they claim that
this
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 can help them relax or decrease strain.
For example
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, a lot of workers are exhausted from their work so they want some cigarettes to feel fresh and recharge their energies.
Next,
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the second reason why
people
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 cannot avoid smoking is the influence of
society
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, especially in a group of friends, gangsters, or environments.
For instance
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, if you stay in a group, in which all members love to smoke and ignore the dangers, they will encourage you to try it, convincing you that you will feel better and have a lot of fun. To tackle and reduce smoking in
society
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, one is increasing the price of cigarettes.
However
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,
this
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 solution can fix the problem only in some specific a group of
people
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 but the cost and the accessibility will not be a problem for rich
people
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. Another possible solution is government and national healthcare to take
this
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 habit into account significantly. The government should consider raising awareness of the dangers of smoking by explaining a lot of diseases from tobacco, showing clear effects of smoking, and putting serious subjects in school about the downsides of smoking and other drugs. In conclusion, the dangers of smoking are very big issues in
society
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. Not only
people
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 but
also
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 the government should have a policy to reduce these kinds of habits.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 in every
society
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such
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 as family, school, and work should help each other to deal with
this
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 problem,

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coherence and cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, but could improve the overall flow and connection between ideas. Consider using more linking words to enhance coherence between paragraphs.
task achievement
The supporting examples are relevant but could be expanded in detail or specificity. Offering more concrete examples would strengthen the main points and make them clearer for the reader.
task achievement
The essay addresses the main question and effectively outlines causes and solutions related to smoking.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly states the purpose of the essay and the conclusion summarizes the main ideas well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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