IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that children should learn science in school. Others think that it is not necessary to include science in general education. Do you agree or disagree with this statement ? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Recently, many people have been debating about whether we should include
science
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 in
school
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 education. I mainly agree that children need to learn
this
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 subject at
school
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. On the one hand, many consider that pupils need to study
science
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 in
school
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 because it is a better environment for them to learn it.
Firstly
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, the professional teachers at
school
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 can help
students
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 correct their knowledge about
science
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.
Science
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 is a specific field that requires high proficiency, which means it is hard to learn without assistance.
Therefore
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,
school
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 is a perfect place for
students
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 to acquire some basic
science
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 knowledge.
Moreover
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, there are more resources in
school
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 than in a typical person’s home;
thus
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,
school
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 is a more suitable environment.
On the other hand
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, there are a few who disagree with
this
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 idea, and here are the potential reasons.
To begin
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 with,
science
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 might not be as useful as some other subjects, like language and math. It is not a necessity for individuals because you can easily live without understanding any deep
science
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 knowledge.
On the contrary
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, parents argue that they can teach their children about
this
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 subject at home, so there is no need to waste time at
school
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 on
this
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.
However
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, I regard
science
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 as a necessary lesson for
students
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 in
school
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, because it is a subject that enables
students
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 to have a diverse view, and there are many useful resources that can be taken at
school
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. In conclusion, despite the fact that there are some arguments about including
science
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 in basic education, I believe that the
overall
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 benefits outweigh the disadvantages.

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task response
Your view is clear, but give more facts or examples to back each point.
coherence cohesion
Put your ideas in a better order: intro, one side, other side, then a clear end.
style
Short simple sentences help. Some long sentences are hard to read.
content
Be specific with real examples from life or school to show why science helps.
structure
Clear view is given from start to end.
coherence
The essay uses 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' well.
task completion
There is a conclusion that restates the view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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