IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

IN SOME COUNTRIES MONEY CONTRIBUTED IS USED TO SPONSOR EDUCATION FOR PRISONERS IS THIS A GOOD OR BAD IDEA

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While
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 the idea of rehabilitating
prisoners
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 through
education
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 may appear beneficial, using donated funds to
support
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such
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programs
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 is an ineffective allocation of
resources
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.
This
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 approach diverts financial
support
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 from more pressing societal needs and fails to address the root causes of criminal behaviour.
Firstly
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, investing in prisoner
education
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 with donated funds overlooks the deeper socioeconomic factors that contribute to
crime
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. In Nigeria, poverty, unemployment, and inadequate
access
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 to quality
education
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 are major drivers of criminal activities. Many young people, especially in rural areas and urban slums, lack the necessary
resources
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 to receive a proper
education
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. A lack of job opportunities
further
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 exacerbates their situation, pushing some individuals toward illicit activities as a means of survival. Without adequate infrastructure and investment in early
education
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, these disadvantaged communities remain trapped in a cycle of poverty and
crime
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. Rather than focusing on educating individuals who have already committed crimes, these funds could be better utilized for preventative measures,
such
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 as improving
access
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 to primary and secondary
education
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 Use synonyms It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score. for at-risk youth.
For instance
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, government initiatives like the Universal Basic
Education
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 (UBE) program have made progress but still suffer from funding shortages. Redirecting
resources
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 to
such
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programs
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 would help prevent
crime
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 at its root rather than addressing it after the fact.
Secondly
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, the allocation of charitable contributions to prisoner
education
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 raises concerns about fairness and public perception. Many hardworking Nigerians struggle to afford higher
education
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 for themselves or their children, with university tuition costs becoming increasingly burdensome. The Tertiary
Education
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 Trust Fund (TETFund) exists to
support
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 public tertiary institutions, yet many deserving students still lack financial aid. Given these challenges, prioritizing
education
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 for
prisoners
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 over law-abiding citizens can create resentment among taxpayers and donors, leading to a decline in
overall
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support
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 for social initiatives.
However
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, it is important to acknowledge that providing
education
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 to
prisoners
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 can have potential benefits. Studies have shown that
access
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 to
education
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while
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 incarcerated can significantly reduce recidivism rates, ultimately decreasing
crime
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 in the long run. Equipping
prisoners
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 with skills and knowledge can help them reintegrate into society and find legitimate employment upon release, reducing their likelihood of reoffending. Countries that have implemented comprehensive prison
education
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programs
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,
such
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 as Norway, have seen positive outcomes in lowering repeat offences. In conclusion,
while
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 the intention behind sponsoring prisoner
education
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 may be commendable, it is ultimately a misallocation of
resources
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. A more effective approach would be to invest in preventative measures that address the root causes of
crime
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,
such
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 as improving
education
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access
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 for underprivileged communities and creating economic opportunities. That said, integrating well-structured prison
education
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programs
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 with robust reintegration
support
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 could present a viable compromise.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly develops a single main idea and relates back to your main argument more definitively.
task achievement
Consider providing a stronger explanation of how proposed changes can address the root problems mentioned, making the argument more persuasive.
structure
The essay presents a well-structured argument with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
examples
The use of specific examples, such as the Universal Basic Education (UBE) program, helps to reinforce your points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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