IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

the government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to reduce the voilent crimes. to what extent do you agree or disgaree.

In recent years, it has become widely evident that the rate of criminal activities has increased because of the exposure of offences on social media. It is said that the government should reinforce strict regulations and restrictions to forecast these activities in films. I completely agree with
this
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 view , as
this
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 impacts the young population , who are the future of a nation.
To begin
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 with, most of the
movies
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 and television series are watched by people who are not mature enough to understand the consequences of crimes.
This
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 generation can take ideas from
movies
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 to commit a serious crime in their precious lives, which is not only harmful for society but
also
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 for themselves, generating an unsafe environment for the public.
For example
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, if people learn about kidnapping and robbery, they will create substantial consequences for local people;
therefore
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, authorities should pay attention towards what is exposed in films and television dramas.
In addition
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 to
this
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, if these criminals are found guilty, they can destroy their entire career and life, because it will become less likely for them to enter society again. They will lose their importance, value and respect, which will push them into stress, anxiety and depression.
Therefore
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, it is extremely necessary to demonstrate that effective content for viewers, which can inspire them and promote motivation to establish something valuable in their lives. The more beneficial
movies
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 are released by producers, the more productive the audience will be in the future, creating a safe and crime-free country. In conclusion, it is explained how crucial it is to prohibit the negative scenes from
movies
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 , which can create a dangerous society. If the government remains unaware of the scripts of films,
they
Fix the agreement mistake
it
show examples
 will have to tackle harmful crimes in the near future.
Thus
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, implementing strict rules about terminating the use of criminal activities can promote a better community for everybody.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly. Say clearly why you agree, and keep this focus in all body parts.
task response
Use ideas that match the topic exactly. The topic is about violence in films and TV, not social media.
task response
Give one or two clear and real examples. This will make your points stronger and easier to trust.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part have one main idea only. This helps the essay feel more clear and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way. Words like first, also, as a result, and in conclusion are enough.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the one before it. Some parts jump too fast from one idea to another.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
task response
Your position is clear: you agree with the statement.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a basic paragraph plan, so it is easy to read.
task response
You try to explain the result of violent content on young people.
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