Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Many young children spend a significant amount of

time

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on their

smartphones

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every day.

This

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essay will explore how students are attracted to social media through their phones, which can indirectly increase their self-confidence.

However

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, I believe that

this

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is a negative development because it may adversely affect their social lives. Young boys and girls often spend more than an hour on their

smartphones

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because they seek affirmation from others by sharing their daily activities. Gaining appreciation online can create a sense of popularity, which encourages them to spend even more

time

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on their devices.

For example

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, many pictures on Instagram do not reflect reality, as individuals often spend a long

time

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retouching or editing photos until they are satisfied.

This

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quest for attention can lead to excessive phone use. Spending too much

time

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smartphones

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is a concerning trend. Children who immerse themselves in virtual life may find that it significantly impacts their social skills in the real world. As they increasingly communicate through text, their face-to-face interactions may diminish. Over

time

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, they may struggle to engage with others

due to

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a lack of practice in reading facial expressions and responding appropriately.

For instance

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, a survey indicated that individuals addicted to their phones tend to be more

self-centered

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self-centred

show examples

, as they may struggle to consider different perspectives. In conclusion,

while

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young children are drawn to their

smartphones

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to gain affirmation from others,

this

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trend is detrimental to their social development. It is crucial to encourage healthier interactions and balance between virtual and real-life experiences.

rainnieckhSun Feb 23 2025

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task achievement

Ensure that all main points are developed with clear examples and explanations. For instance, elaborating more on how excessive smartphone use affects social skills can strengthen your argument.

coherence and cohesion

Work on creating clearer transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas. Using cohesive devices effectively can help enhance readability.

task achievement

Your introduction clearly outlines the main points that will be discussed, providing a roadmap for the reader.

task achievement

You have presented relevant examples to support your points, particularly in illustrating the effects of social media on children.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

254 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

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By punishing murderers with the death penalty, society is also guilty of committing murder. Therefore life in prison is a better punishment for murderers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?