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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people argue that the government should invest more in promoting sports and recreational activities in schools, while others believe it is the responsibility of parents to encourage their children to participate in sports. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #sports #activities #schools #responsibility #parents #children
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Some people believe that the
government
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 should focus its resources on encouraging the development of
sports
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 and
art
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 for school
students
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, rather than supporting professional
sports
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 and
art
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events
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. In my opinion,
while
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 both areas are important, I agree that the
government
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 should prioritize investing in
sports
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 and
arts
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 in schools. On the one hand, it is important for the
government
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 to support professional
sports
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 and
art
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events
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, as these can have a significant economic impact. Professional
sports
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 and
art
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events
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 can generate tourism, create jobs, and stimulate local economies, which can ultimately benefit everyone.
Moreover
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, supporting professional
sports
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 and
art
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events
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 can help to showcase a country's culture and talents to the world, which can enhance its global reputation.
For instance
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, some of the most popular festivals in the world attract hundreds of thousands of visitors to the locations each year, generating millions of pounds for the local economy.
On the other hand
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, it’s understandable why there are supporters of the idea that the
government
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 should focus on encouraging the development of
sports
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 and
arts
Use synonyms
 for school
students
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, it can help to promote a healthy lifestyle among young people by encouraging them to engage in physical activity and creative pursuits.
Secondly
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, it can foster teamwork, creativity, and confidence, all of which are important skills for future success.
For example
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, the
government
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 can organize
sports
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 and
art
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 competitions and
events
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 that allow
students
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 to showcase their talents and compete with their peers.
This
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 can provide a sense of accomplishment and motivation for
students
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,
as well as
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 opportunities to build social connections. In conclusion, the role of the
government
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 in supporting
sports
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 and
arts
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 is a complex issue, and there are valid arguments on both sides.
While
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 supporting professional
sports
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 and
art
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events
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 can have significant economic and cultural benefits, I believe that investing in
sports
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 and
arts
Use synonyms
 in schools should be a priority for the
government
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.
Submitted by lel819094 on

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task achievement
Your essay covers both viewpoints and provides a clear opinion, which is excellent. However, to achieve a higher task response score, you could add more depth to your arguments by exploring additional points or counterarguments. For example, you might consider the long-term benefits of investing in youth sports and arts compared to the immediate economic gains of professional events.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure and your main points are well-supported. However, to improve coherence and cohesion, consider using transitional phrases more frequently. This can help to create a smoother flow between ideas and paragraphs. For example, phrases like 'In addition,' 'Moreover,' 'On the contrary,' can link your points more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted and effectively frame your argument. This sets a strong foundation and provides clear closure to your essay.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples, such as the economic impact of festivals and the benefits of school competitions. These examples enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of your arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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