IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that more money should be spent on protecting endangered species while others think it is a waste of valuable money. What is your opinion ?

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Many people argue that
whether
Correct word choice
apply
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more funds should be allocated to the protection of endangered
species
Use synonyms
 or
such
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 spending is unnecessary. I firmly believe that
prevent
Wrong verb form
preventing
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 extinction plays a key role
for
Change preposition
in
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 maintaining biodiversity and sustaining the planet's health.
This
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 essay will discuss the importance of
this
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 trend and
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 it brings to both society and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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. To commence with, protecting threatened
species
Use synonyms
 contributes to long-term economic benefits. Some industries like tourism and agriculture rely on healthy ecosystems and biodiversity.
For instance
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, ecotourism is a booming industry that attracts millions of people who
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
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 to experience nature and wildlife.
Besides
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 that, many modern medicines are derived from natural compounds in plants and animals so
that
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apply
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this
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 action helps combat diseases.
For instance
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, the discovery of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cancer-fighting drugs was made possible by studying wildlife plants around the world.
Furthermore
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, the preservation of endangered
species
Use synonyms
 is vital for maintaining the balance of ecosystems. Every
species
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 plays a unique role in the environment, contributing to genetic diversity.
For instance
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, certain animals act as pollinators,
while
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 others regulate the population of other
species
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, ensuring ecological harmony. Another
benefits
Replace the adjective
benefit
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 of
this
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 action is many
vegetations
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetation
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 and animals play
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
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 role in maintaining soil and water quality. Certain
species
Use synonyms
 act as natural water managers by building dams that create wetlands, which filter water and reduce flooding risks.
To conclude
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, I strongly believe that more money should be dedicated to the protection of threatened
species
Use synonyms
.
This
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 action is not only crucial for the environment but
also
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 has significant impacts on economic and social aspects. It is essential that we take these into our consideration ,and act to prevent
further
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 loss of biodiversity, ensuring a healthier planet for the next generations.

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task achievement
Ensure that all claims made in your essay are robust and supported with sufficient specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Consider refining your topic sentences and transitions between paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of ideas throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Vary your sentence structures and word choices to improve engagement and demonstrate a wider range of language proficiency.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic with relevant points discussed.
task achievement
You have successfully identified the economic and ecological benefits of protecting endangered species, which makes your argument compelling.
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