Some people think that children should go to kindergarten before attending Primary School while other believe that it is better for children to stay all day with family. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays,
kindergarten
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is usually the place where
parents
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are assured that
children
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are taken
care
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,
and
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of and
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taught by
kindergarten
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teachers
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. Some people think that
children
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should go to
kindergarten
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before attending Primary School
while
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others believe that it is better for
children
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to spend all day with family. I personally think that
this
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issue depends on each family. One of many reasons that some people think
children
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should go to
kindergarten
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is
children
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need to learn basic knowledge and develop other relationships. Before coming to Primary School,
kids
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are not only taken
care
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of by
kindergarten
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teachers
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but
also
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they can study a little bit of lessons and life skills. In many kindergartens, they are teaching the alphabet and how to
writing
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write
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correctly.
Besides
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the
teachers
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teaching about knowledge, they create some life skills periods to guide
children
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to have
a
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good behaviour and positive attitude towards all problems.
Additionally
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, each child can find out some new hobbies when they try activities at
kindergarten
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. Their popular hobbies are drawing, playing sports, robot programming,... Even though, their hobbies can be developmental like jobs in the future. Many households are so busy, they don't have nanny or watch over their
kids
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.
However
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, many people think
children
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should stay at home
instead
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of going to
kindergarten
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. The opinion comes from some families who want their
kids
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to be safe. Apart from that,
parents
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want to avoid some problems like
children
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being treated badly by
kindergarten
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teachers
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, less nutrition on lunch, don't have enough finances,...
This
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is a suitable choice for families who have plenty of time to teach
,
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and
care
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for their
children
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. Almost all
children
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stay with family and are taken
care
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of better than
children
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who go to
kindergarten
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. The reason why
that is
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parents
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or grandparents can spend time looking after and minds of
children
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.
Then
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each household can cost
saving
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apply
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to do other necessary things. In my opinion,
this
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issue relies on the financial family and suitability of each child.
Firstly
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, if the
kindergarten
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family choose is reputable and suitable for their
children
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, they can choose.
Secondly
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, some
kids
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feel safe when
kids
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live in the house and
parents
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want to understand
,
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apply
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and connect to
children
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more, so they should choose the option that
children
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stay at home.

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task achievement
Expand on examples and ensure they clearly illustrate your points. For instance, providing a specific example of a child benefitting from kindergarten would enhance your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow between your ideas. Using clearer linking phrases can help the reader easily follow the development of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is fully developed. Some points could use more elaboration to effectively support your argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view of both sides of the argument, which is commendable.
task achievement
There is a clear personal opinion expressed, which aligns with the task requirement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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