IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is argued that allowing
children
Use synonyms
 to make their own
decisions
Use synonyms
 through daily work might lead to selfishness,
However
Linking Words
,
others
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, including me, believe that it is a beneficial daily practice that fosters their cognitive
skills
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 and
independence
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. On the one
hand
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, some individuals believe that letting
children
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 make their own
decisions
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 will promote egocentric
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
. if they feel free to do whatever they desire regardless of the consequences and
others
Use synonyms
' privileges, they will not take
others
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 will into consideration.
Additionally
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, excessive
freedom
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 for a
child
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 who can not distinguish right from wrong properly can lead to posing negative traits.
For instance
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, if a
child
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 had been allowed to hit a friend for fun without any punishment or restriction, they have an increased tendency to uncontrollable aggression over
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
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, some hold the view that limited opportunities for fostering decision-making
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 under parent's or tutor's observation will be an approach to
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
 their
independence
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.
children
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 are eager to receive their
parents
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' approval for any action.
Thus
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, if they are
quided
Correct your spelling
guided
 to choose among certain alternatives they will learn to make
decisions
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.
Moreover
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, if they are praised for their positive acts
consequently
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, they stay motivated to make more positive
choices
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.
Hence
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, implicitly, they will be taught the advantages of consultation with
parents
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 to get the desired result that will
also
Linking Words
 strengthen their sense of collaboration. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
children
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's
freedom
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 to make
choices
Use synonyms
 should be controlled by their
parents
Use synonyms
 and elders. I firmly believe that examining their
decisions
Use synonyms
 in childhood will develop their cognitive
skills
Use synonyms
 and sense of confidence. Corrected Version: It is argued that allowing
children
Use synonyms
 to make their own
decisions
Use synonyms
 in daily matters may lead to selfishness.
However
Linking Words
,
others
Use synonyms
, including me, believe that
this
Linking Words
 practice is beneficial as it fosters cognitive
skills
Use synonyms
 and
independence
Use synonyms
. On the one
hand
Use synonyms
, some individuals believe that allowing
children
Use synonyms
 to make their own
decisions
Use synonyms
 promotes egocentric
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. If they feel free to do whatever they desire regardless of the consequences and other people’s rights, they may not take
others
Use synonyms
' feelings into consideration.
Additionally
Linking Words
, excessive
freedom
Use synonyms
 for a
child
Use synonyms
 who cannot yet distinguish right from wrong may lead to the development of negative traits.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a
child
Use synonyms
 is allowed to hit a friend for fun without any punishment or restriction, they may develop a tendency toward uncontrollable aggression over time.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Use synonyms
, some believe that providing
children
Use synonyms
 with controlled opportunities to make
decisions
Use synonyms
 under parental or teacher supervision can help develop their
independence
Use synonyms
.
Children
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 naturally seek their
parents
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' approval for their actions.
Thus
Linking Words
, if they are guided to choose among certain alternatives, they will gradually learn decision-making
skills
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if they are consistently praised for their positive
choices
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, they will remain motivated to make responsible
decisions
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they will implicitly learn the benefits of consulting their
parents
Use synonyms
 to achieve desired outcomes, which will
also
Linking Words
 strengthen their sense of collaboration. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
's
freedom
Use synonyms
 to make
choices
Use synonyms
 should be guided by their
parents
Use synonyms
 and elders, I firmly believe that allowing them to make
decisions
Use synonyms
 from a young age helps develop their cognitive
skills
Use synonyms
 and confidence.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that all points are clearly connected and flow logically from one to another to enhance overall coherence.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments, particularly in discussing the potential consequences of children's freedom in decision-making.
coherence and cohesion
Well-structured introduction and conclusion, presenting a clear opinion.
task achievement
Strong arguments with a good balance of both perspectives on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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