IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The popularity of fast food is increasing, especially among younger people. What are the cause for this trend? Is it a positive or negative development?

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In recent years, overconsuming fast
food
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 has become an increasingly serious concern, especially among young
people
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. There are several reasons why
this
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 issue has emerged, ranging from the active and passive perspective.
As a result
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, it has led to significant consequences affecting both individuals and society in multiple ways. In
this
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 essay, some reasons and the direst repercussion of
this
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 phenomenon will be discussed. In today’s rapid globalization,
people
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 have to handle more work than ever and do not have much
time
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 to prepare the ingredients or cook the meals.
Thus
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, the high demand for something fast and convenient is increasing significantly, fast
food
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 is the suitable choice
due to
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 it is easily being taken away. Both students and adults can easily buy fast
food
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 at the
food
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 court, shopping mall, or restaurants near their areas at affordable prices.
Although
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 it can bring various benefits of
this
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 trend
such
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 as boosting the economy by increasing the consumption of fast
food
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 or saving a lot of
time
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 for individuals, I strongly believe it brings more drawbacks than outbacks. The major problem of
this
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 trend is the ad's impact on
people
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's health, which poses serious diseases
such
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 as diabetes or overweight. Fast
food
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such
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 as fried chicken or hamburgers has a large amount of bad cholesterol which leads to those diseases.
Additionally
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, depending on
such
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 kind of
food
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 for a long
time
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 will make
people
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 reduce the
time
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 with their family. In conclusion, there are numerous reasons causing over consuming of fast
food
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, the root causes of
this
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 situation have resulted in multiple negative effects, particularly affecting individuals.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the context but could be more concise by avoiding overly complex phrases. Please simplify your sentence structures for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs follow a clear main idea throughout. For example, your second paragraph starts discussing convenience but can shift more clearly into consequences.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or statistics to enhance your arguments, especially in the body paragraphs, to support your claims.
task achievement
Consider rephrasing "over consuming" to "overconsumption" for better accuracy and fluidity.
task achievement
In your conclusion, reiterate the main points discussed in the essay to provide a clearer summary, enhancing the overall response.
coherence and cohesion
The essay structure is clear, with an introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps in navigating your argument.
task achievement
You acknowledge both advantages and disadvantages of fast food, showcasing a balanced perspective on the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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